Jayme Resnik

lhiyv liyboy

John has asked me to write this story.  I am not really sure as to how to start it so I will start from the beginning.  When I began junior high school my mom befriended a women at work named Gail Pankratz.  Gail was a very social lady who love to camp and go to church.  She invited our family to go to the Potwin Bible Church, which was an off shoot of the Waterwater Swiss Mennonite church.  The pastor at the Swiss church was Pastor Ensz who was the most caring, calm and kind man.  Attending the Potwin Bible Church we would see Pastor Ensz from time to time.  As I grew older I would see him at various weddings of friends in the Whitewater/Potwin area.  After John and I were married a few years we purchased a home in Whitewater just a block away from the Swiss church.  At this time Pastor Ensz had retired and a new leader was in his place.

John and I were great friends with Craig and Tammy Woghelmuth.  On Fridays the four of us would get together and play cards.  Sometimes we would eat dinner together, we traveled to Las Vegas and just had the best time with one another.  This all came to a stop when Craig took his own life.  I am not going into the details but it was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to process.  The pain that I felt for losing a friend but also the pain that I felt watching my dear friend Tammy who was 5 months pregnant with their first child go through this horror.  I would like to say here and now, if you are ever thinking of taking your own life don’t.  It is the most selfish act a human can do.  The pain that you will leave with your loved ones will last their lifetime.  Keep in mind that things may seem so out of control or horrific at the time but if you talk to others, get a good counselor you will see that this storm that you are going through will pass and things can get better.  Craig and Tammy belonged to the Swiss church and they had a new leader that was counseling Craig.  I believe with all my heart and soul that this leader did not help Craig, he actually made things so bad for Craig.  There was a friend of Tammy’s that called me after Craig’s death.  She was telling me things that scared the pooh out of me and I was thinking, if this leader was telling Craig these things no wonder, no wonder….  Things were so bad for me that I went three days with no sleep.  In order to get any rest I had John read the book that he was reading out loud, side note: John was reading a book about the Russian Revolution, It didn’t matter to me what he was reading but it was the sound of his voice that gave me great comfort.  After the third day of not much sleep I finally turned to God.  I prayed “God, I am hearing things that do not seem right, that can’t be believed from these church members with Craig.  I need you to send me someone that can clarify and bring comfort to me.”  I was so desperate, tired and saddened.  That next day after saying that prayer I was in the living room and I hear a knock on the door, I open it to see Pastor Ensz’s loving face.  He said, “I just thought that you might need someone to talk to.”  I nearly broke down in tears right at that moment as I knew that God had answered my prayer by sending him to me.  The three of us, Pastor Ensz, John and I, sat down in the living room and I began to tell him of my conversations that had so upset me.  In just one simple statement by Pastor Ensz I was calmed, he said, ” Jayme, Craig made a bad decision.  A decision that unfortunately he can never take back.”  That night I slept through the night, no nightmares, no waking up but a restful sleep.  Now, I do want to say that it took time for me to get over this and that not every night was the best sleep.  Gradually, each week was better.  When I had a bad night, all I had to do was focus on Pastor Ensz’s words.  The words that God himself sent him to deliver.

Moral of this story: God shows up when you ask him and are truly in need of him. You need to be ready for his help, you have to accept it so make sure that you are ready for him to help you.  He does this through others.  So, when you hear Gods voice telling you to reach out to someone, or to stop and say kind words to others do it.  You may not know why he needs you to do this, that is between the person you reached out to and God.  So listen, God never tells us to do anything wrong or harmful to ourselves or others.  All he wants is for us to listen to him and love and help others.   God loves you and so do I.  🙂

October 31st could have been one of my most favorite days of the year as a kid. By the first of October my friend Lora who lived a few houses from me and I would begin planning our costumes. We generally would dress in the same theme. I remember some of our costumes being witches, old ladies, and hobos. My favorite by far was the Hobo. As a matter of fact I think I was a Hobo on more than one Halloween. We didn’t have giant Halloween stores to purchase our customs so we had to make them ourselves out of clothes that we already had. Growing up in a small town that had a highway running through the middle of town we were only able to go Trick or Treating on our side of town. Unfortunately for us we lived on the smaller side of town. But we were not going to let that stop us from gathering all the candy humanly possible that night. Now Lora and I were very astute and we would have a plan as to how to hit EVERY house on our side of town. I can remember days before the 31st we would take off on our bikes to try out our new path. You see we only had a few hours in which to do this as we had a curfew. In this plan was a time where we would work our way back to one of our houses just to drop off a very heavy bag of candy. We didn’t want to take any chances of being so weighted down that we couldn’t move efficiently. There was also the possibility of a bag tearing and spilling out all of our hard work. This happened one year to me, I remember that it was cold and wet that night and my paper bag could not bare the weight of all my candy. As we where running to our next house on our path my candy spilled out onto the sidewalk! Luckily we were a team Lora and I, as I stood guard of my hard work splattered on a wet sidewalk Lora ran to the last house we were at and was able to talk them into giving us another paper bag. A very grateful me scooped up all the candy into the new bag. Now onto our route as time was ticking off our clock. I don’t know if we ever made it to every house on our side of town but I do know that there wasn’t another duo more determined to make it happen. At the end of our route we head to our separate homes to discover what treasures we were given by our neighbors and our neighbors neighbors.

Summer days were hot in Kansas but oh those summer nights….

Living on Mechanic Street in Towanda, Kansas was a great place for summer camp outs. Some of my favorite memories were made in the back yard of Lora Gurney. Lora lived two houses down from me with her two older siblings Linda and Larry.  Lora’s house was such fun for me, there always seem to have a litter of kittens being born, had copper cups that made the water I drank so cold and have such a great taste. Oh, and the best thing for me was when Lora’s camper refrigerator was full of hot dogs from Oklahoma. What made the Oklahoma hots dogs so tasty? I really don’t know but they were red and chilled just perfectly for a tasty snack under the stars on a warm summer evening.
Our camp outs consisted of flashlights, lawn chaise lounges, pillows and sleeping bags. An occasional bag of chips and maybe a few Ding Dongs or Twinkies would make its way to our camp out courtesy of my dad, thanks dad. Lora and I would set up our lounge chairs side by side in her backyard facing away from her house looking out towards the edge of town where light was scarce and you could see the stars sparkling in the dark sky. We would begin our night talking in a rapid speed about everything and anything that came to mind. As an adult I think back about those conversations I realize laying under the darkness of the sky with the stars dancing in front of us gave both of us a sense of security. Security of the physical kind knowing that God had a perfect view of us with just the stars above us, and that we were under his protection.  But more profoundly we shared the security  of conversation. Knowing that what we talked about would be accepted by the other with each giving comfort to the hard things we feared or mourned. Caring advice as to how to handle certain situations that preteens go through in life. Dreaming about our future careers, children and spouses, what would it look like to be an adult? We also did a lot of laughing. Oh my I can still feel the pain in my belly from laughing with Lora. Those nights are filled with what true friendship looks like to me.
As the night became late we would drift to sleep with the satisfaction of great conversation with a trusted friend. Around 4 a.m. I would wake up with the cool of dew beginning to fall on any of my exposed skin and I would slide my body parts into the sleeping bag, by 6 a.m. the sun would begin to show its light and cars begin to head to work so I would slide as deep as I could into the sleeping bag and still leave a little crack to breath in fresh air. Soon to wake up with Lora smiling at me with muffy hair and me reflecting that smile back with hair all tied in knots stretching and reminiscing of the previous nights events. “Did we really eat 8 hot dogs a piece?”
Folding up our bedding and lounge chairs we both would head to our own houses for breakfast. My mom would ask, how was your night? I would tell her it was fun and then begin to share with her some of the jokes I learned that night before and talk about the dew that woke me so early in the morning. All was good as it should be after a night with a friend such as Lora.

Who am I? Good question ! Let me answer this from the different stages of my life. Starting at age 5.
I am a girl with dreams literally I would dream of my future husband and life as an adult. I had an imagination, a need to be independent, loved and happy. At age 10 I would have said that I was funny and had lots of friends. I had a great sense of imitation, I could imitate just about every teacher in our school. Picking up on those little movements, sounds and the personality of the teachers whom I saw on a daily basis was so easy for me. Still wanting to be independent but scared a bit of what that would really look like. Knowing that I was struggling in school I did not want to disappoint my parents and teachers. I was the first to make friends with the new students and would stand for those being bullied.
The 15 year old me… I am finding my way in a “large” school. Following my older brother who was so talented in music and stage…” no I can not sing like my brother” was a common answer I would give to every teacher and older student that heard my last name. Determination to make my own path to independence. I loved hanging out with friends at school. I was an advocate for those struggling in life. I could play the clarinet, but I didn’t know how to read music…. yes you read that right, I never learned how to read music but I could play the clarinet and my senior year I picked up the Alto Saxophone for our Jazz band. How did I learn enough to stay in the 1st/2nd chair?  I would play quietly through the music in band, picking up on notes that were familiar to me I could then piece together the music correctly.
The 20 year old me… In college and hoping to find that special person who the 5 year old me dreamed about. Unsure of her future.  Sensing that God had something so very special for me I could not wait for life to happen.   30 year old me, a mother of 2 and wife of the husband I had dreamed about when I was little.  Independent, fun, caring, still believing in the importance of accepting others where they are in life.  40 year old me.  I am a successful student, leader of the Kansas State Secondary Counselors, mentor to new school counselors, helper of students who are struggling and mentor to those who are ready to fly off to college.  The 50 year old me, educated, leader, confident, a great friend, loves to explore, golfer, traveler.  I became a grandmother and love every second of it, still a mother and wife and luckily a daughter to both of my parents.

Not 60 yet, but looking back at my thoughts of who I am at different ages I see that there is a theme of loving my family and independence, married the man of my dreams, I am a good friend and accept others no matter where they come from.

My earliest memory of bike riding as a child begins with me on the back of my dad’s bike sitting just above the back tire on a block of foam taped to the book carrier with my legs dangling in home made metal baskets. Our family would go on evening bike rides with other families in our neighborhood, specifically the McNowns and Farners. We would ride all over the tiny town of Towanda Kansas. I remember holding on to the back of my dad, whom I thought was the strongest and most kind man ever. Hearing his fun banter with the group and knowing he had a smile on his face just like me. Dad would peak back at me from time to time and say “How you doing squirt?” My pony tails flying behind me at the rate of the speed of his pedaling I would shoot back to him an enthusiastic “Good!”. I was experiencing a perfect place and time of my childhood and the young me seemed to know it. I was in for an adventure, I wasn’t alone on this trip but with some of my favorite people in the small world in which I knew.
The bikes rides always ended at our house, with all the adults chattering and the kids running in the side yard, catching lightening bugs, making bracelets and rings with them (I know bug cruelty but I felt like a princess in the night all lit up and beautiful.) An exciting game of kick the can would always happen. I being one of the smallest would participate and the older kids would be gentle with me. They would let me hid with them even though my lightening bug jewelry might give us away. I remember running as fast as I could to jump over that can before my name was called.
As I sit here and write this I can see, hear and smell those days. Always in my mind and heart