I Believe – My Values

Edward Lee Vernon, Sr. & Lucille (Smith) Vernon

1/17/1919 – 8/22/1983            4/26/1926 – 10/6/1960

 Ed Lee & Lucille had Eight Children

Seven Daughters                                                                                           One Son

Barbara Yvonne      04/15/1941                                                           Edward Lee Jr.    03/15/1952

Martha Jane            12/14/1942

Christine Elizabeth  04/01/1944   (04/24/2021)

Esther Mae              01/09/1946

Elnora Brenetta       07/25/1947

Lucille (Baby Sis)  07/01/1949   (09/29/2006)

Deborah Juanita      07/31/1957

Growing up, we were very close. We loved and cared about each other. We have grown up over the last 61 years. We all have our own families. Barbara, Christine, Ester Mae, and I were all born in Warwick County, VA. Elnora, Lucille Deborah, and Jr. were born in Newport News, VA.

We have lived throughout the U.S., starting with our birth city and state of Newport News, Virginia, to Baltimore, MD; San Francisco, CA; Modesto, CA; Auror, Colorado; Washington, DC.; Fairbanks, Alaska; Albany, GA; Albuquerque, New Mexico; Denton, TX; and Sicily, Italy. This chapter will show you how we have been Blessed and protected and how far we have all come.

“There is only One Time you Should look Back in Life; it is to See how Far you have Come.”

While not all of us are here now, God took two; Lucille (Baby Sis) joined Momma and Daddy on September 29, 2006. Her death was very difficult for all of us. I am so grateful to God for His Love, Grace, and Mercy watching over us so we can tell our story.

I have been away from my writing for a while. I have some news to share, and it is not good news. I must tell you that Christine went to be with Momma, Daddy, and Baby Sis on April 24, 2021. It has been ten months now (today is 2/20/22), and I still go to call her sometimes. I miss her so very much.

I am not going into my siblings’ lives; I will let them tell their own stories. I will give you the composition of them and their families. You will have the basic information about your aunts and uncle if you want to research your family history.

Barbara is the first-born, married to James Beverly Haynes, they had five Children

Three Daughters                                                                                       Two Sons

Sheri Denise (Haynes) Briggs/Daronta Briggs                                       James Edward Haynes  

Yvette Monique Haynes                                                         Carl David Haynes/Amy Cunningham

Yvonne Elise (Haynes) Owens/divorced Sidney Owens

                        Barbara has Five Grandchildren

 Carl David                                                                 One Son

                                                                        Monte Demon Johnson Haynes

Yvette Monique                                                         One Daughter                                  

                                                                         Beverly Shani Haynes                                              

Yvonne Elise Owens                                             Two daughters                                    One Son

                                                                   Sydney Janae Owens                         Sidney Leon Owens Jr.

                                                                   Syvonne Elise Owens

                       Barbara has Eight Great-grandchildren

Sydney Janae Owens                                  One daughter                        One son

                                                           Lauryn James LouisMe               Duke Kerenedel LouisMe

 Monte Demon Johnson Haynes             Three Daughters                       Three Sons

                                                                        Zion                                  Jaelyn Haynes

                                                                        Jelyn                                 Kamari Haynes

                                                                     Naomi                                 Kameron Haynes

Martha Jane married Lonnie Allen Williams, the biological father of Lonnie Allen. Karen’s biological father is Alfred B. Julye. I also married Howard Harrell, who adopted Lonnie; we raised Karen, Lonnie, and his son Howard II. They raised three children.

One Daughter                                                 Two Sons

Karen Denise Vernon                                  Howard Earl Harrell ll married/divorced Kimberly LaRose

                                                            Lonnie Allen Williams Harrell, married to Tiffany C. Powell

                         Martha Jane has Nine Grandchildren                                                                                      

Karen Denise Vernon                            One Daughter                     

                                                          Briahnna Jane Vernon              

Howard Earl Harrell II         Three Daughters                                        Two Sons  

                                          Jordan Nicole Smith                               (Trey) Howard Earl Harrell III

                                         Sadeyah Renae Harrell                  Trenton Andrew Walter Harrell/married Malory Cain

                                        Mariyah Earlene Harrell                                                                             

Lonnie Allen Williams Harrell             One Daughter                                 Two Sons                                       

                                                           Lola Ava Lucille Harrell                 Logan Allen Harrell                                                              

                                                                                                                    Langston Elijah Harrell                                               

                        Martha Jane has Seven Great-grandchildren

Jordan                                                             Three Daughters                               Two Sons                                   

                                                                       Lilly Smith                                        Hayden Smith                             

                                                                        Nova Smith                                      Kamden Smith                            

                                                                      Madilynn Smith

  Sadeyah                                                            Two Daughters

                                                                     Ryleigh Abigail Ann Harrell-Ford

                                                                      Ariyah Kimberly Harrell-Ford

Christine married Thomas Slade; they had Two Children, Michelle and Michael. She is married to Eddie Brinkley.

                                     One Daughter                                           One Son

Michelle Denise (Slade) Powell/Darrell Powell             Michael Thomas Slade

                    Christine has Two Grandchildren

Michelle Denise                           One Daughter                           One son

                                                      Erika C. Powell                      Darrell Craig Powell 

                 Christine has One Great-grandchild

Erika Powell                                         One son                                             

                                               Justin Chase Banks, Jr. (JJ)

 Esther Mae was married to James Whitt; they had two daughters.

She was also married to Mitch Foster, and they had one son.

           Two Daughters                                                One Son                          

    Shelia Denise Whitt                               Derrick Foster married/divorced Nisha McPherson

Renee Whitt

                    Esther Mae has One Granddaughter

Derrick Foster One Daughter                           Morgan Camille Foster

Elnora has Two children: Sterling and Brittany.  Jerome Price is Sterling’s father, and Joseph Durham is Brittany’s father.

                          One Daughter                                                                                            One Son

Brittany (Vernon) Steward/D’Angelo Steward married/divorced          Sterling Jerome Price married Shauntia King

                Elnora has Three Grandchildren

Brittany           One Son                       

                   Kobe J. Boston          

 Sterling has                                       One Daughter                        One son      

                                                       Tierea Robinson                Sterling Jerome Price, Jr.

                 Elnora has Two great-grandchildren.                                               

Tierea Robinson                                 One Son    

                                                  Micah Jesse Hayes  

Kobe J. Boston                                 One son     

                                                Chance Amir Boston

Lucille was married to George Gibbs they had Three children

          One Daughter                                       Two   Sons

Lisa Denise Watts /Kevin Watts                    Akil A Gibbs

                                                                      Ade K Gibbs    

                 Lucille has Five Grandchildren

  Lisa Denise Watts                   Two Daughters                             Two Sons

                                                  Alisha Watts                              Aaron Gibbs Dann

                                                 Crystal Watts                            Rashard Watts

Ade Gibbs                           One Son 

                                         Jaxon Aziz Gibbs

Lucille has Four Great-grandchildren.

Aaron Gibbs Dann                                                    Two Sons                         

                                                                             Ethan Dann                                                      

                                                                           Owen Dan 

Alisha Watts                                                             One Son

                                                                          Shawn Turner, Jr  

Rashard Watts                                                      One Daughter                         

                                                                          Allayah Renee Watts

Edward L. Jr. is married to Gwendolyn Ricks and has three children: one Daughter with Chiquita Taylor.

Two Daughters                                                                                            Two Sons

Ebony Lucille Vernon                                                                 Shomar L Vernon married Amy

Brittany Lee Taylor-Vernon       (Chiquita Taylor, Mother)              Careen Omar Ricks

                                   Edward L. Jr. has Five Grandchildren.  

Shomar L Vernon                           One Son              

                                                  Donavon Edward Vernon                         

Careen Omar Ricks                One Son                                                      Two Daughters

                                            DaeVion Marquis Ricks                         TruNique Ebony Marie Ricks

                                                                                                           Aniyah Vernita Ricks

Brittany Lee Taylor-Vernon                         One Daughter                

                                                            Charlette Lee Kirkpatrick  

                    Edward Lee Jr. has One Great-grandchild

TruNique Ebony Marie Ricks                                   One Daughter

                                                                                Alannis Ricks

Deborah married/divorced Michael Swift they have One Son.  Michael Andrei Swift II married Amarachi Okoro

As of today, October 18, 2022, the number of offspring for Lucille & Ed Lee, counting their eight children and spouses, is eighty-two. There are eighty-two Children, Grandchildren, Great-grandchildren and Great-great-grandchildren…

My Dear Children, Grandchildren, Great-grandchildren, Nieces, Nephews, Sisters, and Brother. I pray you will share this story with your children and your children’s children. If you find a mistake or a misspelled name, please forgive me and charge it to my head, not my heart.

 “And whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens; Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance; And when you get the choice to sit it out or DANCE, I hope you DANCE.” The song “I Hope You Dance”

…. Love has no ending….

 To my nieces and nephews: Although we rarely see each other, I love you all. And when we are together, it is a Blast!!!

Grammy, Aunt Jane, Jane

When a Mother Dies, a Child’s Mourning Never Completely Ends.

It is said you die twice, once when you take your last breath. And again, many years later, when your name is spoken for the last time.

My Dear Children and Grandchildren, please remember me. Tell a story; remember a time we spent together. Feel my hug. Toast to GRAMMY!!!!! Remember December 14, my Birthday, and the day I left you, Month        Day        Year        . I will always be with you with every heartbeat. Just say my name.

The lyrics from “The Prayer” by Andrea Bocelli touched my heart because they related to my siblings and me after our Mother passed away.

“I pray you’ll be our eyes, And watch us where we go, And help us to be wise, In times when we don’t know. Let this be our prayer when we lose our way; lead us to a place. Guide us with your grace to a place where we’ll be safe.

When stars go out each night, I pray we’ll find your light and hold it in our hearts.

Let this be our prayer. When shadows fill our day, Lead us to a place. Guide us with your grace.

Give us faith so we’ll be safe. We ask that life be kind And watch us from above. We hope each soul will find Another soul to love. Let this be our prayer, Just like every child needs to find a place.

Guide us with your grace. Give us faith so we’ll be safe.”  Songwriters: Carole Bayer Sager / Alberto Testa / David W. Foster

Momma had been sick for quite a while, and we kids were too young to realize how ill she was. What has always amazed me is that Daddy was sick long before Momma became ill. Now I know it has nothing to do with time or age when your time comes.

Her eighth child was born less than two years before she got sick. She had two jobs and looked after a sick husband with a house full of kids under 15. The Doctors said it was stress, she was working too hard, and it went on for three years.

At the age of 17, I oversaw the burial of my Mother. Daddy was there, but I felt the final decisions were left up to me.

After the funeral, Uncle John came to me and said he and Steen wanted to help. He said they had talked and wanted to take the two youngest with them, just for a while, Baby Sis and Deborah. Uncle John and Steen had only been married for four years, and she had two miscarriages which left her unable to have children of her own. Deborah was 3, and Baby Sis was 11. I told him we needed to talk to Daddy. Daddy was so broken and hurt that he did not know what to do, but he said it might be the best thing since he could not take care of them and still had more treatments for his illness. In talking about the girls going, Jr said he wanted to go. I am unsure how Jr. came to go, but they took him too; he was eight.

So, the day after the funeral, Deborah, Baby Sis, and Jr. went to Baltimore to live with Steen and Uncle John. This started a relationship that would last until they died. We were all still in shock, and I remember feeling so sad and torn when they left; there was a hole in my heart. Not only have we lost our Mother, but we have also lost our three younger siblings. I will never know what would have happened if we had all stayed together. This separation would have a profound effect on all of us. The bond we had will never be the same again. I have thought about it since writing my memories. When I think about it, I wish we had stayed together, but when I think about what happened with us girls at home, about how things went, we struggled to keep the essential things going. And there were heated arguments about the Social Security money and who would use it and how. At those times, I felt that the younger ones were better off. There was some stability with Steen and Uncle John, and we had their Social Security money sent to them.

I know how hard it was for us girls after Momma died over the years. It felt like we were left all alone. It was tough for Baby Sis, Jr, and Deborah; also, they lost their whole family. Over the years, a wonderful thing happened with Baby Sis, Jr. and Deborah. I saw the bond between them grow strong, and they grew closer.

On the other hand, it seemed like the five of us at home grew further apart. We could not close the broken chain. We did not have that ONE over us holding us together. We did not know how to take care of ourselves, not to mention take care of others. Over the years, we grew, and as the years went by, we did find a path to each other. We are sisters, and we love each other. Like everyone else, we did the best we could, and when we knew better, we did better.

When Christine graduated from high school, she got married. Esther Mae and Elnora moved to Baltimore when they graduated and never returned to Newport News to live. Their children were all raised in Baltimore, which is home to them. Lucille (Baby Sis), Jr., and Deborah returned home!!!. They all graduated from High School in Newport News. We grew from children to adults. We survived childhood, and we made it. No one went to jail, got hooked on drugs, or was homeless on the streets. We just started having babies and getting married, and here we are now; we went from a family of 10 to a family of 73. God is Good.

Barbara was 19, and I was 17; Christine, 16; Esther Mae, 14; Elnora, 13; and Daddy were all at 614. It was hard and challenging, and we went on; time went on.   After Momma died, I don’t remember talking about her; we did not “Say Her Name.” We did not celebrate the day of her death or her Birthday. It was like she never existed. Now I know it was hard for us to talk about Momma without getting upset. The people around us did not talk about her because they did not want to upset us, so maybe that’s why we did not talk about her. She was just gone.

God always put someone there for you; for us girls at home, that was Esther. She did everything she could do for us as she grieved herself. Esther and Momma were very close, and Momma’s death was sudden; no one was expecting it. Most people did not know she was ill. Esther knew the surgery was serious because Momma told her everything. Esther became our go-to person, our Grandmother. Sometimes we spent the night at Esther’s house because we did not have electricity or heat.

We could depend on her to be there when we needed a babysitter. She kept our children not just for us to go to work but also for us to go out. She often loaned us money, not taking it when we could repay her. She would say that’s ok, keep it. You will read about what she did for Karen and me. All the older grandchildren that grew up in Newport News knew and loved Esther. I loved her like she was my Grandmother, and she loved us.

One by one, as the years went on, we all left 614, including Daddy. Momma was the glue that held us together; our chain was permanently broken. We were all lost without her; sometimes, even today, I can see the effects of that loss. We made it BUT for Esther, Uncle John, and Steen.

Uncle John is my Mother’s brother, and Steen was his wife. They married on March 10, 1956. Momma died on October 6, 1960. Steen and Uncle John did not have much time to bond as husband and wife before we came into their lives. Momma had gone to Baltimore when Steen was in the hospital. I can’t remember if Momma or Steen told me this. Momma had asked Steen to take care of her children if anything happened to her.??? Why? Did she know she was not going to be here for us?

Steen & Uncle John, with all the ups and downs, there were many. We also had so much to be thankful for. We could look forward to large family Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. That was when we came together with love and shared. There’s no way we could have made it without both of them.

There are so many times that Steen made it fun. Steen taught us how to cook, and all of us girls have at least one of her recipes. We have benefitted from her love and teaching. Steen’s strong will and determination showed us we could be strong women. It was not easy, praise God, but we were family, and at the end of the day, we all knew in our hearts that we could depend on Steen.

Uncle John’s calm, beautiful smile and love gave us strength. They both gave us some beautiful memories after Momma passed. It wasn’t easy, but I know with certainty that we benefited from growing up with them in our lives as we moved from children to adults… They did their best, and when they knew better, they did better. I take this time right now to say thank you, and I love you with all that is in me, to Steen and Uncle John.

I said we, the Vernon Sisters and Jr., have all lived in their home at some point. They fed us and supported us with money when we needed it. They taught us what they believed was the right thing to do. They took us in with open arms, and we stayed until it was time to go. And at the end of her life, Steen told me in my last phone call, “I love you; I love you all. I didn’t realize how much you all mean to me.” I love you too, Steen.

Below is the tribute we did to each one of them.

From October 3, 1915 to November 26, 1998,  John H Smith

Dear Uncle John,

This world has been given clear notice of how much you really mean to us.

Your compassion and concern have warmed many weary hearts, as those who know you best must all agree. Your devotion has created strong bonds of friendship by just the way you smile. You have never been one to run from a good cause or fight; instead, you would rather go the extra mile. In Jesus’s name, you worked passionately and faithfully to aid those of us less fortunate than you. You often and unselfishly stretched forth your hands to share your blessings as God had commanded you.

Not once did you complain, no matter how many times we came. You have taught us many lessons about loving each other in this meaningful, short life. Your Christian leadership and outstanding example showed us that we ARE the keepers of our sister and brother. True love is grand when given and shared with others, for it brings complete peace deep within.

Repeatedly, you have illustrated that when we love another soul, we experience the ultimate gift of being loved right back, as you are loved. As we now reflect on life with Uncle John. There cannot be a day without Steen, who was always by his side. And each time we came to him, she opened her heart and said, Ain’t that nothing; y’all come on in.

I want to assure my sisters and brother that God’s assignments for Uncle John continue. We shall miss his pride, inner strength, steadfastness, diligence, wisdom, comforting ways, and protective love.

So, you see, he lives on in us. He may not be with us after today, but all he has given will remain with each of us forever and ever, and we will pass it on to our children. God will crown him a Prince on judgment day.

Ernestine C. Smith    October 21 – June 5, 2015, 

This world has been given clear notice of how much you really mean to us. In His infinite wisdom, God has seen fit to move from our beloved Aunt Ernestine Smith, so lovingly known by us as Steen. We come together to pay our respects to the memory of one whose life was full of love. Steen, a woman of strength, honor, and faith, will forever be cherished as an Aunt who stepped in to take care of eight children when our Mother passed away in 1960. That’s a long time ago, over 50 years we spent with you. I truly believe God put you in Uncle John’s life just for the eight of us.

Steen, your commitment to God and devotion to family and friends will be a lasting memorial of the life you lived. Often and unselfishly, you stretched forth your hands to share your blessings as God had commanded. And never did you complain, no matter how many times we came. And you stayed the course, and you never asked anyone to leave. Your legacy continues to live on in us and the many others you touched along the way. You will be missed but not forgotten.

We, the Vernon Sisters and Jr., thank God for allowing our paths to cross as we journey through this life. You were the Grandmother our children did not have. You were the one there as we grew from teens to young adults. You were the one we called “Steen, can you keep…….you even kept some for the whole summer. And we have not even gotten to the cooking; there are some things we make now just like you did. You and Uncle John, with his big smile, I know he is smiling up there now.

I could go on and on….but I must stop now for you see the “Best of Her Story has Never Been Told.”  She gave us the Best of what she had to offer.

1 Corinthians 15:57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Momma had to leave us, but God hand-picked the Angels that watched over us. They gave us all they had to give. ALL!!

I know Momma and Daddy are so proud of all of us.

My year at college was both exciting and challenging. The classes I had required much study time and preparation. I had several different jobs to help supplement the many costs of being a student at this Christian University. I also had the opportunity to date which I did not have in high school. By the end of the year, I learned that I would not have the opportunity to attend another year. Even with the scholarship and jobs, the costs were too much for my parents to keep paying. Now I had to decide what the next step in my life would be. I returned home and began working at Lee”s Grill again. I think that it is also important that I mention that I had met and started dating a college student by the name of Richard Himes from Augusta, Kansas. He would become a part of my life for the next three years.
I am so very grateful for the guiding direction from my Heavenly Father in the next decision in my life which was to become a nursing student at Mercy School of Nursing in Oklahoma City for the next three years. My experiences there would not only prepare me to be a nurse but would also prove to be another turning point in my life. I was assigned a roommate from Lima, Peru whose name was Rocio Maria Torres who became Chio to all of us. I eventually learned that she was of the Mormon faith but had to keep that a secret because she was here at this school on a Catholic Nursing Scholarship. This school was a Catholic institution and was supervised by nuns. She was afraid that if they would discover that she was a Mormon, she would be sent home. I did not know anything about being a Mormon except for the movie I had watched about Brigham Young and the pioneer Mormons. Chio became part of my family and was like another sister to me. In our last year of nurses training, we were transported by an airplane to St.Louis, Missouri in May for a three-month pediatric training at Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital. For the first time, Chio was able to attend her church and I wanted to go with her. I had visited many different churches through the years searching for the answers to my questions about who I was, where did I come from and what was my purpose in being here on this earth.
I think now I would like to share the story of my conversion to the restored gospel and how I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints known as the Mormons. My first meeting to attend with Chio in St.Louis, Missouri was a testimony meeting. The testimonies that were shared in that meeting that day prompted me to want to know more about this new religion that I did not know existed at this time. Chio contacted the missionaries to begin teaching me. Their names were Elder Brether and Elder Minor. After the first discussion, I knew that this church had the truths that I had been searching for all these years. I must have shocked these two young missionaries when I told them that I wanted to be baptized immediately. They graciously informed me that I had to have all six discussions first so they gave me all six discussions within the week. I began reading the Book of Mormon and was scheduled to be baptized on August 3rd,1967. During that week I received two phone calls that asked me to not be baptized into this church. One phone call was from my dad and the other one was from Richard Himes. I did not understand why they were so against me being baptized but I knew that the Holy Spirit had witnessed to me that this church had all the truths that I had been searching for. I remember on the day I was to be baptized that it was very stormy with many dark clouds but as I was getting dressed after the baptism the clouds parted and the rays of bright sunlight came through the window, giving me such a feeling of peace and love. I continued to read the Book of Mormon which is another witness that Jesus is the Christ and the Jehovah of the Old Testament. I also embraced the belief in Joseph Smith as a Prophet and of a living prophet in our day to lead and guide us as in the days of old. I had always believed that God is my Heavenly Father, that Jesus Christ is his Son, and the Holy Spirit are three distinct beings. Also, the importance of families being together forever is another truth that I believed. We returned home from our rotation at the children”s hospital and finish out the year.

When I get the opportunity to lead a session on The Chosen, I tend to pull nuggets from the episode – lines that I find somewhat profound and thought-provoking (although not always scriptural-based or even significant aspects of the plot). In episode 7, there were several, in no particular order:

“Why would he wish that for someone like me?”

“Sometimes God sends a dove. Matthew, that man was your dove.”

“I want to understand things, Mary. Especially the inscrutable things that unsettle me.”

“Bones will still break. Hearts will still break…You could still have lost a baby when you were a fisherman. You just wouldn’t have anybody to turn to.”

“He said it all depends on you.”

“I know you have felt unworthy. Matthew, I know you have felt unworthy…”

“Our lives are often painful, yes? So we think that life is full of scarcity, not abundance. But there are times, when out of nowhere, the world expresses it’s longing to be whole. And suddenly God steps in. And we are called out of our blindness and into redemption.”

“Why would he wish that for someone like me?”

(In Episode 7, Matthew was wondering why an old man gave him his most valuable possession, even though Matthew had turned against his people by enriching himself and becoming a tax collector.)

A few years ago, Alex invited me to join a group of his friends to Man Up, a men’s retreat in northern Michigan sponsored by our church. I felt similarly fortunate as I do today, surrounded by a bunch of cool young men pursuing their faith. At an evening session, a brief demonstration of our relationship to God was shown that has stuck with me. One guy stood on one end of the stage, facing the other with his arms extended, to show God’s posture to us – always there, always ready and eager to accept us – but allowing us to choose. On the other end of the stage, another guy depicted us and showed the choices we have – we can face God, face away from God, walk toward God, etc.

To me, when we feel unworthy, it’s kind of like looking down. We would like to look at God and walk toward him. But we know we’ve screwed up, and we can’t muster up the gumption to look at God, let alone take the first step. We feel that “life is full of scarcity, not abundance”. We think, why would God want to have a relationship with someone like me?

Once we get past that, we can look at God, walk toward him, and embrace Him. Pretty cool spot to be, God holding you, you holding God, your shoulders drop. Free for everybody, no charge. God continues hugging us and turns us so we can hug others at the same time. Even better.

Often, I try to remind the folks of While Flag how great I think they are, and how great I think God thinks they are. Young men, raising families, pursuing careers, helping their communities, and taking time to learn about “the inscrutable things in life” that are hard to understand.

That’s the image I hope to convey to my kids and their kids. I’d like to love them enough that they feel secure enough to love others. Also pretty cool.

But there are times, when out of nowhere, the world expresses it’s longing to be whole. And suddenly God steps in.

By doing this, I hope it’s like the movie Pay It Forward. We help each other feel secure so that we can share the same with others. And no one misses the chance to hug God because they feel they’ve messed up. And if we do it well enough, “…the world expresses it’s longing to be whole…and we are called out of blindness and into redemption.”

That’s why I frequently remind this wonderful group of young men, taking the time at 6:30 am on a Tuesday to figure out the inscrutable things that unsettle us, that they are enough, and they are deserving of God’s love.

When I was a senior at KU, I met with the leader of KU’s Campus Crusade for Christ. I was the president of my fraternity, and he was meeting with leaders on campus. An image he shared one day, under a tree, stayed with me (and Alex used it once as a guest sermon in his church).

The image is a wheel with four spokes, labeled mental, physical, spiritual, and social. The idea is that we need balance in our life. It also points out that you can have too much of anything. We can probably relate to time when we or our friends have had too much mental in their life (working so much that you’re miserable); or social in your life (happened frequently in college); or too much concern about our physical nature (as depicted on about everything on TV). We may not realize that our spiritual spoke can also be too long and throw our wheel out of kilter. We’ve met, and so did Jesus, people who’ve emphasized religion to the point that it has thrown their lives out of balance.

Sometimes, a White Flag member will express regret for not being religious enough, which of course could be true. It also could be true, that this young gentleman is doing a pretty good job of balancing his family, faith, friends and health, and that God is proud of him.

“Bones will still break. Hearts will still break.”

One guy I didn’t hug enough. Craig, one of my best friends, took his life when we were just starting families. Great guy. Loved God, loved others. Maybe didn’t love himself as much as he should. If I had it to do over again, I’d have hugged that guy every day so that he would know I thought he was wonderful. I’m going to try to not make that mistake again.

In Episode 7, Simon lost an unborn child, almost lost his wife, and found he and his wife may not be able to have children, all while Simon was spreading the word of God. He tries to say life was easier when he fished.  John reminded him that Jesus didn’t tell them things would be easy just because we follow God, and said, “You could still have lost a baby when you were a fisherman. You just wouldn’t have anybody to turn to.”  When bones break and hearts break, we need to try to remember that.

“Sometimes, God sends a dove. Matthew, that man was your dove.”

For the record, I think my son in law Jake may lead the league in chatting with people about God in a relaxed, non-confrontational way. Ben leads in numerous ways, including carrying a $20 in his car and knowing the perfect words to say when giving it to someone he doesn’t know. I think I stink at both. I wish I was better.

So, when Jake reached out to me six years ago and said Ben was starting a Tuesday morning Bible study and asked me to join, I said I was in. I was not as close to God at that point as I would like to be.  I attended for a year or so and loved every minute of it. Then I got pulled away by the normal things, job, family, other stuff, and fell out of the habit. For three years. Jake would ask when I was coming back. Drew would take me to lunch and ask when I was coming back. I continued to follow the updates on Group Me, but I had fallen out of the habit in attending. Then Ben sent out a note saying that Jake was going to be leading an episode of The Chosen. Jake and I chatted about it while grilling burgers. He asked me to come. No way I was saying no. I think I’m up to 2-3 years straight (mostly) since then. “Sometimes God sends a dove…”

“I know you have felt unworthy. Matthew, I know you have felt unworthy…”

I think the part I like about this best is the way Mary said this to Matthew twice. He heard her the first time, but he really heard her the second time. And he knew she was right, and he knew this was his biggest obstacle from getting close to God.

This is why I continue to give verbal, and sometimes literal, hugs to the men of White Flag. Because when we feel unworthy, it’s hard on us and our ability to love others. I want you to know that I love you and God loves you enough that you can drop your shoulders. And receive God’s love. And share it with others.

And thanks for sharing your Tuesday mornings with me.

– John Resnik