Leuka

Leuka was diagnosed a year ago with diabetes and she got really skinny, and she’s been on insulin for 14 months.  She was always usually really good about taking her insulin.
 I noticed on January 7th that she had to stop eating as fast as she normally does. Leuka, when she would eat she would gobble like she was afraid somebody was going to come to get her food.  I called it toothpasting, and it’s hard to describe, you have to see her do it to understand.
On January 9th she started giving issues with getting her insulin she just didn’t want it and it was a fight to get her to take it and she continued this eating and I thought that maybe it was just the medicine for Cushing’s.
January 10th Leuka started vomiting, and she had diarrhea because I had to give her a certain food if she stopped eating her food from the vet cooking chicken breast and rice, with sweet potatoes to feed her.  I have been cooking for her for a couple of months.  The last time she was at the vet, they didn’t think she was going to make it through that Friday and that was back in November.
   January 11th okay stop eating and I didn’t want to give her insulin not eating that would have brought her sugar too low Titania figured maybe you know her to stop coming he’s not doing well because she would get these upset stomach sometimes and dinner came around didn’t eat and was throwing up I was determined to take her to the vet the next day to find out have some test done.
 Tuesday evening Luca was restless, she would get up, she would go drink water, ( she was drinking a lot of water)  she had diarrhea but nothing was coming out just foam. She would get up she go to her kennel she would turn around a little bit lay there for about a minute get back up walking back to the blanket that was on the floor, do a little turn around there and repeat, and it went on all night long.  I was so tired I was trying to get it just a little bit sleep been up all night sleeping until noon and it walked out of my bedroom and see it but I guess well I was sleeping and come by my bedroom and she had messed there, but all it was I saw was blood.  she continued to worsen throughout the day I was taking her outside earlier that morning before it was about 11 I accidentally slept until about 11.  I went out to see if I can dig a hole and the ground is frozen so there was no way I was going to be able to dig in the ice,  as fast as she had declined I knew what was coming. At 4 pm.,  I was able to get her into the Vet,  on that table was the same blanket Hunter was put down on.  They were supposed to give me an imprint they’re going to take her back, inserted an IV, make the paw print, and bring it back.
Having to decide to put my little girl down was the hardest decision I ever had to make she lay there in my arms I knew the exact moment that she went from there from the overdose never remember looking down afterward at her limp body,  her bowels that let loose and all that was there was blood clotted blood so as much as it kills me to have to do that, If I hadn’t got her into the vet, I doubt that she would have made it through the night, and I would have woke up in the morning to her passed in a pool of blood. I think it would be even more devastating to me.

Out in the open world

 

Arnold Homes

  Re-edwest or Arnold Holmes for children they went by both names.  That was one of the worst experiences in my childhood. I suffered sexual abuse physical abuse emotional abuse pretty much anything that you could imagine while I was there.

 

I would come home sometimes for a weekend homepasses my mom would come pick me up. I remember one home pass I was home and they were painting that we were painting the fence by the house, I wasn’t much for painting and I didn’t do a very good job and my parents didn’t like it they thought that I should have done a better job because I wanted to paint.

I ended up getting really upset that day and stayed in my room crying and in 8 year old you know they’re gonna say things that they don’t mean. My mother took that as gospel truth, and when an 8-year-old says something like that,  a parent should never take that as the kid meaning it. I remained in Arnold Homes for 3 years after that, I was not afforded any further home visits with my mother.

I was constantly running away, because of abuse at Arnold Homes. I went through about every house they had, there was nowhere else for me to go. I remember going through the Gas “shortage” caused by OPEC. I even remember visiting the Governor’s mansion when Jerry Brown was Governor of California the first time.

 

 

Nancy

What a crazy world

.

Winter 1968

I was born on a cold winter night in 1968, which would turn out to be a precursor to the rest of the decade.

Lyndon B Johnson was the president, The Vietnam war was raging,  both Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King were assassinated I almost wasn’t born, being a survivor of attempted suicide by overdose of Darvon ( it has since been banned since November 2010).

It is said that while we are in our mother’s womb, we have an angel that teaches us the entire Torah, and just before we are born, she taps our mouth making us forget everything we learned. I wonder what was in the angels’ minds, as I fought for life.

 

My biological parents divorced when I was 5-ish. My earliest recollections were lighting cigarettes for who I have assumed was my father, off of the furnace, and riding on a motorcycle, of who I cannot recall was driving, or why I was even on the bike in the first place. around the same time, I remember my mother being angry with me because I had done something (don’t remember what it was), that I shouldn’t have. One of the ways I was punished before this was having to bend over and have a shoe thrown at my bottom. One distinct memory I have, which left me with a scar even to this day, was bending over for my shoeing, and I sat down instead, and a high heel shoe hit me on the top of the head, slicing my scalp, millimeters from my fontanels. I can remember 3 people rushing me to the bathroom, to wash my head off, but I don’t remember who it was.

 

 

Fire!

 

When I was 4  we were in North Dakota with my Grandmother, who I don’t remember at all. My sisters and I were fighting, (an assumption)  suddenly we felt a thud and heard a loud noise. We had hit a black truck, and the car had caught fire. I remember my mother freaking out, trying to get us out of the car.  My sisters were 2 and 3 at the time, I am not sure if they remember that or not, but it was embroiled into my memory. I don’t know what caused the accident, whether we rear-ended the truck, or the truck ran a stop sign. I remember all of us standing at the side of the accident, while the car was burning, and the firetruck, but I don’t remember much else about the accident, what I do remember was the fire.

 

 

Farmington Rd

    When I was 5 we lived on Farmington rd right off Hwy 99. to the best of my recollection, we stayed in a row motel, it was more like an efficiency apartment. My mother was working as a waitress,  doing her best to support us. While she was at work, one of s our neighbors would babysit us. She had a daughter around our ages, that I let cut my hair. Needless to say, my mother was none too happy with me, and I ended up getting my head shaved.

 

I was a rather mischievous little boy. I would like candles and put them in the refrigerator, get into all kinds of stuff. my mom told me that I had my sisters out on the freeway playing,  I am told I took them under te fence.  I remember stealing my youngest sister’s bottle and hiding under her crib and drinking her bottle I have no idea why perhaps I liked the taste of the formula I don’t know.

At some point during our stay there on Farmington Road, my mother met my stepdad. The rest of our time there on Farmington Road is rather fuzzy

 

 

The Old Green House

    It was either 1973 or 74 when we moved into The green-house. those were some of the Fondest Memories that I had as a child. wasn’t a big house but it was somewhat out in the country. the house was surrounded by Vineyards and was next door to Delicato winery, not too far from French Camp Road. Now on French Camp Road, there was an old biker bar, called “Jackass Junction”. I remember because the bus would stop there on the way to and from school the days we weren’t at the babysitter.
That old greenhouse Sat Back aways from the frontage road that ran parallel to Highway 99.

In the back was a huge backyard with his big black walnut tree that I used to climb. Behind that there was a long building, I guess it was a shop I don’t know what was in the building but it was like a long garage that had a patio outside. that is where my sisters and I learned to roller skate with those old metal skates that attach to your shoes.

Surrounding the house was Vineyards between those rows of Vineyards was asparagus that they were growing along with the grapes. on the house property, there were trees pomegranate trees I don’t remember if there were any other trees that were said that were around their fruit wise but I remember when the pomegranates are really small when they were still flowering I remember pulling those off because it nectar was so sweet.

When you walk out the back door some steps went down to the left and the yard was fenced in I went to the right there was a swing set I don’t remember if there was anything else in the yard or not but I remember going out playing in The Vineyards and trying to fly my kite used giant thistle wishes that I was chopping up. I remember one time I was out in the vineyard and I got stung right in the forehead by a bee that was when I found out I was allergic.

Now about the house itself. When you walked up to the house there was a front porch a covered porch, and as you walked into the house there was the family room, my parents’ room was off to the right then my sister’s room, and then my room is on the end back by the bathroom

We had a garden that was set off to the right of the driveway, next to the pomegranate trees. If I remember correctly, There was a pump house there for the Grape Vines. King on getting that Garden together was horrible the whole area was covered with Bermuda grass crabgrass and it was almost impossible to get rid of.  I remember peeling garlic for canning and squeezing pomegranates to make pomegranate jelly my parents canned a lot of food to put up. I remember one time my mom had made this batch of bread and butter pickles. She made them in their bathtub, and I remember going in there and taking a bite out of one of them, before putting it back, and I got in so much trouble for that.

Times weren’t always great at the green-house. My parents fought a lot at night, and I mean fighting. I remember having an AM radio that I would listen to at night time when they would start fighting, and I would hear sirens on the radio and turn it up hoping that they would hear the sirens and stop.

Back then my dad drink a lot and I don’t know if that was the cause of the arguments in the fights kids were the cause or if I was the cause. I never did know why they fought. but the arguments in the fighting got bad enough my mom had got ahold of Dad’s rifle and was going to shoot him. Fortunately, he had taken the firing pin out sometime before that.

I remember Christmas coming and going my step sister and my stepbrother Richard and Sharon had come.  I remember that the fridge went out of the family room there is a swinging kitchen door that opens to the right just went straight to the house the kitchen was to the left. You walked right through the kitchen to go through the dining room out the back door.

One Mother’s Day I remember my sisters and I got up early my parents were still asleep or at least there was still in bed. but we decided that we were going to make her breakfast in bed because it was Mother’s Day and she would usually have eggs and half a grapefruit so I remember cutting grapefruit and my sisters and I have the frying pan up on the stove and didn’t know any better we just through the shells and everything in there got it all done brought it into my parents’ room and my mom was livid. She was so mad, and all we were trying to do is give her a Mother’s Day breakfast in bed.

Did I mention I was mischievous? To me, I was just being a little boy. Brothers have always picked on sisters just the way life is. one time I had grabbed a bunch of ants and I put them down my oldest sister’s pants, now we’re talking I was probably 6 years old. when my mom found out what happened I had to sit on that anthill, bare butt and all. and then there was a time that I had stuck an earwig in my youngest sister’s ear and locked her in the trunk of Nelly Bell, which was my mom’s car.

One time we were having chicken for dinner and I don’t know who was messing with the stove or if anyone even was messing with the stove but somehow it got turned up high and my mom was baking chicken in a casserole dish and thought that I was going to turn it up and ended up going without dinner that night I ended up going to that dinner my sisters and everyone else ate but I ended up going without dinner because their glass and broke when I was in the oven with the chicken. back in the day parents could spank you. The belt, switch, or whatever you got spanked and usually it was a bare bottom.

I took a lot of heat for my sisters. I remember one time taking their fingers into can a bunch of liverwurst which I can never could stand I still can’t stand to this day left the container in the fridge my fingers just happened to match up to it I got punished I did not get into that liverwurst I found out 20 years later that it was my older sister who still a year younger than I am she’s the one that did it.

Another time we had this watermelon time up on the counter in the kitchen and I wanted to slice a watermelon I decided I was going to cut myself a piece of watermelon I had this big butcher knife and I tried to use it as a hatchet and ended up cutting the tip of my finger off now that I can I understand getting in trouble for that one but it bled and it bled and it bled. I guess it was around then when I just stopped I guess I remember stealing one of my dad’s beers and hiding in the closet and drinking it nobody ever knew anything of my parents knew they never said anything to me but I know I would have been severely punished if dad found out.

Boys do some really strange things. how they could not stand peas of any sort I like the little pearl onions that came with them but I did not like peas. one time I decided I was going to take a bath and I dumped the whole can of peas in my bath. however, that was not the end of it headed to grab our canister vacuum and suck the peas out of the bathtub while I was in the tub I’m really lucky that I didn’t get electrocuted. I got in a lot of trouble for that one too.at one point I had to convince my sisters to run away now we’re just you know we’re not even I’m the oldest and I was maybe six so you have three very young children they’re going to run away from home we made it the end of the driveway and came back they’re our driveway was fairly long but last we came back.

My favorite shows as a child were Speed Racer, Ultraman, and The Incredible Hulk I even had an Incredible Hulk model that I built it was a glow in the dark. Then were was Sesame Street, Ville Allegra, and the electric company, as well as Spider-Man. for those of you who are not familiar with Speed Racer that was the anime of childhood so we’re talking about 48 years, so 48-50-year-old anime.

In school, I was bullied all the time there are these twins, the McCoy twins that were real bullies to a lot of people, but I was targeted most of the time. Mama picked me up from the babysitters after school, from Reymus Village, and it was weird because the babysitter happened to be the mother of this girl that had this real crush on so I enjoyed going over there. yep, 6-year-olds usually have this “cootie” thing but I like this girl.

As a child I had a very weak bladder I peed the bed until I was nine. Not by my choice. I had medical procedures which were extremely painful trying to strengthen the walls of my bladder, but nothing worked. around this time I distinctly remember station for somebody came into the house and I got shot I distinctly remember that. It could have been another life but I remember very distinctly getting shot.

My way of escaping everything that was going on was running through The Vineyards with those gigantic thistles. Eating fresh asparagus from the vineyard raw. playing with my dog named Cherokee tears, as well as smashing at my dad’s beer cans that I would take in and I would earn money. I’m not sure what brought it all about but somehow I ended up either getting kicked out of school or pulled out of school they thought that I was having other problems but I was just getting picked on. at that point my mom home-schooled me for a while, however, I don’t remember how long. At that point, is when my mom started taking me to see Mary Sue Etner, a child psychologist. I hated going to see her, the same with Alan England, who decided it was a bright idea to put me on Ritalin.

 

Mulberry

     I remember going to many houses looking at them before my parents decided on one on Mulberry Circle.  my parents always said that there was oil and grease on the front room floor and lots of mess. The three of us siblings were made to stay outside on the patio. There were 2 ways to reach the patio, the sliding glass door that was in the kitchen, the door going out into the garage, and then into the patio. The patio was covered in corrugated greenhouse roof material,  and out the back was the back yard, with Grafted Orange, lemon, and tangerine trees. The back neighbor had a cherry tree I loved to eat from. Next door lived the Masons, Frank, Emcho, Margorie, and Michael. Margorie and Michael were our ages so we had playmates.

I attended Sequia elementary school and would play on the construction mounds on the way home with my best friend Kevin. Once we lost time and my mother caught us, and she was non too happy. I remember reading Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” at the early age of 7 and wanting to watch Creature Feature with Bob Wilkins, even though they terrified me at night. I remember making my mom go into the room before me, because if anything was in there it was going to get her first, and I actually recall telling her that. I was the biggest scaredy-cat  I know. I think Squeakers my pet guinea pig had more courage than I did.

 

I remember going to the canned food store, and you would use these grease pencils to make your prices on,, a system that would never fly today.

Somewhere alone Somewhere along the route I continue going to see psychologists and I ended up in a children’s shelter, Mary Graham hall in  French Camp..

 

Talk about Talk about an interesting place there’s a few people that I remember from there like Mr. Bobinski Mr. Torres those are is those are really the only 2 that I remember and I mean we’re talking 47 years ago so you know so but I went time I had a pen to citis and I had woke up early in the morning and I was throwing up green vomit’s the green vomit and my side hurt like hell I didn’t mind anyway to touch me or anything Mr. Bobinski’s the one that got me in to the Car to go to the hospital I didn’t even want him touching me

 

I remember at the hospital I’m sitting there laying on the bed and I got my ivy and arm and my mom walked in and all I remember was raising my arm at my mom and that was all. The next thing I know I’m opening up my eyes to these bright lights in my face… I woke up during surgery.

This This time wasn’t as smooth as  the  surgery  from my tonsilitis or the tube placed in my ears.

I went on I went on a test placement up in car Michael to you lato who was Anita Arnold home for children in carmike Arkansas.  While I was there I ended up catching chicken pox and I didn’t know what was wrong all I know isMy back itched and itched and itched and nobody would scratch it.  I ended up being placed in that group home not too long after that.