It’s 1963; Karen was born on April 21, and I had just turned 20 on December 14, 1962, the year before. Esther used the S&H Green Stamps she had saved for years to get me all the baby things I needed. Bottles, diapers, undershirts, onesies, receiving blankets, and clothes to come home from the hospital.
What are Green Stamps, you ask? S&H Green Stamps was a line of trading stamps popular in the United States from 1896 until the late 1980s. Sperry & Hutchinson began offering stamps to U.S. retailers in 1896. The retail organizations that distributed the stamps were primarily supermarkets, gasoline filling stations, and stores. They bought the stamps from S&H and gave them as bonuses to shoppers based on the dollar amount of purchase. A 1963 magazine article stated that the average supermarket paid $2.45 for the stamps needed to fill one collector book. The stamps came in denominations of one, ten, and fifty points, perforated with a gummed reverse. As shoppers accumulated the stamps, they moistened the reverse and mounted them in collector’s books, which were supplied free by S&H. The books held 24 pages, and filling a page required 50 points, so each book had 1,200 points. Shoppers could exchange filled books for premiums, including housewares and other items, from the local Green Stamps store or catalog.
Esther was such a blessing; I don’t know what I would have done without her at that time.
Back in the ’60s, when Karen was born, there were no Lamaze classes. I took Nursing during my last year in high school; we had a whole Pregnancy with Labor and Delivery section. I labored alone; there was no one to go in with me. Daddy and Esther took me to the hospital, and I remember the Nurse telling them it would be a while, so they left. That was a very sobering experience for me. I remember the part about pushing, and I wanted this to be over, so I started pushing before being told. Soon a nurse came in, and I remember her calling for someone else. Another Nurse and a Doctor came in and checked me out, and the next thing I knew, they were telling me, here is your Baby. I don’t know what kind of medication they gave me; it was like I passed out, so I missed the actual birth. I didn’t get that first bonding time, and I decided not to breastfeed. Now I feel I missed so much during the birth and bonding experience.
Karen weighed in at six lb., five oz.; she was a beautiful baby; I didn’t realize at first whom she favored. As time passed, I could see she looked just like her father. She was a good baby; I don’t remember her crying too much as an infant. When she became a toddler and began to talk, she talked all the time, from when she got up to when she went to bed. We slept together until she was about six years old. So here I am, 20 years old with a baby and no husband; what will I do?? Get a Job.
I had met Karen’s Father, Alfred B July, at Ft. Eustis when I started going there with Connie, a cousin who was ten years older. We had dated for a while before he left Fort Eustis. He had been doing his active duty in the reserves and told me he was a schoolteacher. He was from Mobil, Alabama. He had talked about when he got out, which was not very far off; he was going back home, then moving to Washington, DC, where he would teach, closer to me than Alabama. He was my first real boyfriend. As I look back, we did not spend that much time together. I was 19, and he was 24-25, a few years older than me. I did not realize that I was pregnant until he had left.
I was afraid and embarrassed to talk to anyone about this, so no one knew I was pregnant. As time passed, I had difficulty trying to hide the pregnancy. On Washington’s Birthday, which is now President’s Day, the grocery store had cherry pies on sale. I bought one and ate the whole thing. I have always had a weak stomach; I started having all kinds of pain that night. I did not know if it was the Baby, so I knew I had to do something. I got one of my sisters to go across the street and get Esther. I knew I had to tell her; I did not know how I was waiting for the right time. Well, this was the time. She came at once, and I was in so much pain; she thought I was in labor when I told her I was pregnant. She felt so sorry for me that she cried, so I started crying. She then said we had to go to the hospital. She got Daddy; he was right there in the house, she told him, and they took me to the hospital. I was not in labor; I just had too much cherry pie.
That’s how everyone found out I was pregnant. Daddy didn’t say anything to me.
At first, when I called Karen’s father, he told me he was coming back on his way to D.C., and we could talk. I called him again after not hearing from him, and he said he was engaged and his girlfriend was also pregnant. He was not going to D.C.; he would be staying in Mobile, AL, and getting married; the only thing was he was already married.
After that, he refused to talk to me. Each time I called, he would hang up or talk threateningly and rudely; he would scream at me; I felt very intimidated. He told me he would change the phone number, and he did. I was shocked; I had no idea he was like that; I did not know what to do, so I did nothing. That is when I made the second biggest mistake of my life.
I decided I did not need him to help; I could take care of my Baby myself, and because I did that, I never asked anyone for help, not the state or anyone else. No one ever asked me about her father or recommended that I take him to court for child support. In my mind, I had decided he did not exist. I didn’t know how this would affect Karen as the years passed, not knowing her father. It is too late now; he died a few years ago. It’s my fault I should not have let him get away with not acknowledging and supporting his child.
About a year before, Connie moved in with Esther for a short while. She was about ten years older than me. I was young, only 19, and I was not dating, so I was eager to get out. I started going out with her when she had to sing. Connie Ketchmore was very popular, and she sang with a jazz band.
I enjoyed going out to Clubs and dancing. Connie had been married to a soldier, so we went to Ft Eustis for happy hour and other things at the NCO Club. I tell you this part about Connie and going to Ft Eustis because there was a joke that this was “Connie’s Baby.” If I had not started going out with her, I would never have gotten pregnant.
I was so young and inexperienced. So, when I started going out with Connie, I took all my leads from her; and started doing what I saw her do. That turned out to be the worst example I could have had. I didn’t know that at the time, and I thought I was in with the crowd going out, meeting people, and having a good time. I was so shy and immature that I had no idea what I was doing. And the things Connie was doing did not work for me. I did not learn this until after I had Karen. I am not making excuses for myself; I’m just saying most 19-year-olds don’t know much about life, and I was way behind more than most. We all have to learn; we get out there, make mistakes and learn from them. I am a fast learner, and as you will see, I caught up, and even though I had a few more unfortunate relationships, God was always there, leading me and guiding my steps to where I am today.
Daddy never said anything to me about the Baby or anything else. He just went on as if nothing had happened. After Karen was born, he was there, but I felt the shift. He was there; that was about it; I don’t know if he was mad or just disappointed in me. I was so very disappointed in myself.
Don’t misunderstand; he loved Karen as he loved all the grandchildren. He ended up being one of our best babysitters, and he would let them do anything they wanted. At the time, he did not know what to say and, without Momma, how to say anything. During that time, Daddy spent most of his time with Connie.
I had no help, no support, and I was scared. Esther was my saving grace. I had been working some after graduating high school. But nothing that was a good job that I could make a decent living doing. Esther was a lifesaver for all of us after Momma died. She was the grandmother we didn’t have, although we had a grandmother about 30 miles away.
The three younger kids had gone to Baltimore to stay with Uncle John and Steen. Since they were so young, everyone thought they needed more help and care. We all needed support and guidance. I needed a job.
I must get a job. Mr. Heart, our next-door neighbor, worked as a Longshoreman in the harbor, unloading and loading cargo from ships. At the pier was a Canteen for the men who worked there. Mr. Heart told me about an opening for a server to work in the Canteen. I applied for the position and got the job on the spot. That is when I met Frances Joyner, the manager, and we became lifelong friends. We hit it off immediately, and I worked there for 3 or 4 years. It was not what I saw myself doing for the rest of my life, but it was an income at the time. I made $5 a day, $25 to $30 a week, depending on how many days I worked. We served the men soup and beans when they were on a lunch or dinner break. When I started working the evening shift there, Karen was about a month old. Frances did not have any children and was a little older than me. She took to Karen right away and was a big help to me. We worked together sometimes, but she worked the day shift most of the time, and I worked evenings from 3 to 11. We went out together and liked to go on shopping trips. Frances and I became very close friends. I confided in her more than I did my sisters.
She and I even drove from Newport News to California, taking Frances’s Mother to see Frances’s brother in San Bernardino, California. Six females drove across the country: Francis, her mother, and Angie, France’s daughter. Kittie, her niece, me, and Karen. That was an adventure. That is when I learned that I could not drive in the mountains. Francis did most of the driving, and I read the maps. We got lost in the Grand Canyon and spent the night in the Van because it was so dark; we couldn’t see anything, we did not know where we were, and we were getting low on gas, so we stopped and waited until morning. We were only about ten miles from the hotel. We were in San Bernardino for about a week. Karen enjoyed the trip with the other girls around her age. Frances was there both times I married.
Frances was also Godmother to Lonnie. Unfortunately, she did not get to know him because my life changed, and I remarried and moved to Alaska.
I don’t know who kept Karen when I went to work; I think Esther mostly. I believe Esther Mae and Elnora kept her too. There were no daycares; most women who worked then left their babies with another mother who had children and stayed home with them; or a family member. I worked, and boy, did I work. Sometimes, two jobs. In the beginning, it was hard; sometimes, I just had to go to work praying that someone would look after her.
Karen has always been very curious about things; one time, she was maybe 9 or 10. I don’t know how this happened. I was washing clothes; we had this old wringer washing machine.
How a wringer washer works; the defining feature is a tub with an agitator to move the suds through the laundry, dislodge dirt and grime, and then rinse it out. You feed the laundry through the wringer to squeeze out the water. Somehow, she got her arm in the wringer, it should have popped open, but it didn’t. I had to take her to the emergency room. She was alright, with no broken bones, just bruised and sore.
I have always been on a diet, and there was a time I took diet pills. One day, Karen was about five; we were living in Baltimore. She got into my diet pills; she was already a talker. Karen said she only took one pill; I took her to the emergency room. The Doctor said there was nothing they could give her. She probably would not sleep that night, and she didn’t; it would have to wear off. She would be OK… she just talked for 24 hours…
And another time, she was a little older and brought me candy for Valentine’s Day. I took the gift, but I said to her, you know I’m on a diet. I regret saying that to her. I think about that now; she was just a kid.
When we returned from Baltimore, Aunt Mae and I formed a close relationship, and I lived on Taliaferro Rd. with Aunt Mamie. Karen is a little older, and Aunt Mae helped so much with her. Karen and Jackie were close in age, so I could leave her there when I had to work or even just a weekend to myself. It was tough for me not having a mother and Karen not having a grandmother. I didn’t know it at the time.
I worked in the beginning in Foodservice. From the Canteen with Buster and Frances to fine dining at the James River Country Club. I met some friends of Connie’s that waited tables at the Country Club, a very high-end Golf Course. They told me I could make so much more money working with them. Working at the Country Club is much more than serving soup from behind a counter. It’s called Fine Dining, and it is a profession. I was young and open to whatever I had to do. Connie’s friends said they would train me and told me what to say in the interview, and I got the job again on the spot. I have always been a quick learner and was very good at it; I was on my own waiting tables and could carry the large trays with four dinners in no time, and the tips were excellent. Sometimes I would make more in a night at the Country Club than at Buster’s in a month. I loved working at the Country Club, and it was also very social after we got off; most times, we would go out, and the weekends were the best. Most of the people that worked there were good friends, and we would hang out after our shifts; I worked there for about five years.
Then at some point, I decided to move to Baltimore. I can’t remember why I wanted to move; Karen was still very young and growing up fast; I think I wanted more help with her care, and I needed a change. At some point, we all stayed with Steen and Uncle John in Baltimore; this was my time. Steen and Uncle John never said no to us about living with them, and we stayed as long as we needed to. We left when we knew it was time to go. I left as soon as I got a job and could afford an apartment.
I moved to Baltimore; that was an adventure. I remember getting there, and my main thing was getting a job. I have always been fiercely independent, and there was no way I would be there with no income. Steen always believed in working and not spending all your money. I got hired at Westinghouse Electronic Systems Group, which would play a significant role in my life.
In the late 60s, the Vietnam War was in full force, and Westinghouse was a major contractor making Radars for the Jets. They were hiring; they needed people who could put together tiny parts. I had tried to get on at Social Security, where Esther Mae and Elnora worked, but it was not to be. If I had gotten hired at Social Security back then, I would not be where I am today. I know with great certainty I am where I am supposed to be. I passed all the tests and showed that I was good with my hands. I got hired at Westinghouse, which was the best job I had ever had at that time. I made $2.84 per hour, but I am not sure of the 84 cents. It was close to that. It was a lot of money back then.
The plant is at the BWI Airport, and there was no public transportation. God stepped in again, and the lady next door to Steen and Uncle John, Dorothy Lyles, worked at the plant; she did rideshare to the plant, and I rode with her. So, after getting a ride to work, I was all set. During that time, Karen was in either preschool or kindergarten. I sent her to a Catholic School for pre-kindergarten. I did not know it then, but I was about to go on an adventure and learning experience that would follow me my entire life. As I look back, I can see the blessings of my God all the way.
Westinghouse was a large plant, and I was in a department where we put the parts on the parts. For security reasons, we were not putting the whole device together. The completed device came together in a more secure area. We all had different things to do, I was the youngest in my department, and the women there embraced and welcomed me, and several strong friendships came out of it. Edith Gray, Pearl Lewis, Myrtle Taylor, and Cecilia Jackson are the women I worked closely with in my department. Priscilla Young and I worked side by side, and I moved to Cherry Hill, where she lived. We became close friends, and I am still in touch with her today.
I also met a very handsome young man, Leon Galloway. Leon and I were attracted to each other immediately, and he worked as a courier for the plant, which meant he had the freedom to come and go throughout the day. Leon was also from Odenton, MD, close to the plant. He had an apartment in Baltimore, near where I lived with Steen and Uncle John at 1923 Park Ave. Baltimore MD. We saw each other almost daily at work and then in the evening after work. He came down to Virginia with me and met all my family. Everyone loved him, and Karen started calling him Daddy. We would go to his family home in Odenton. I met all his family, his mother, his sisters, and one of my sisters dated one of his brothers. Leon and I dated for over five years. He gave me a diamond engagement ring and talked about getting married.
I enjoyed working at Westinghouse, and I moved from Steen and Uncle John’s house to an apartment in Cherry Hill, much closer to the plant. The ladies all got together and helped me furnish my first apartment. I remember Pearl gave me an old 50s model kitchen set she had stored in her basement. I thought it was the best thing ever, and I wish I had kept it. A little while after I moved, I hit the lottery there at the plant. We had this number thing they did, and I can’t explain it; I won $200. I brought living room furniture and bedroom furniture for Karen. I lived there in Cherry Hill, Md, for about two years, and then Esther Mae and I moved to The Willows Apartments in Glen Burnie. These were new apartments, and they were also low-income. Esther Mae and I were thrilled we had apartments in the same building. Karen, Renee, and Shelia could be together. Leon was very quiet and did not encourage me to move. In fact, he discouraged the move. I did not understand this because these were new apartments, the rent was well in my income range, and I would be closer to the job. I admit I did not know a lot about his background. He never talked about past relationships, and I did not ask. He never asked me about Karen’s Father, so we just went with what we saw in each other.
I have just moved into the apartment about a month or so. Leon came to see me and told me that he had an ex-girlfriend. They had four daughters, were not married, and did not live together at the time. Still, she was expecting him to move in with her in the same apartment complex that Esther Mae and I had just moved into, just one building over. I was devastated; I could not believe this man I had seen almost every day for the past five years. We had gone on weekend trips together, and he had been to my home; he knew all my family, I knew his family, and I had an engagement ring. How could this be?
He had a girlfriend and four children living about two blocks from Westinghouse, where we worked. Because of his job, he had the chance to go by and see her anytime he wanted. People who worked there knew he had the kids but did not know he was still in a relationship, so no one said anything about her. He was going to, and she expected him to move in with her. What could I say? Nothing, I could not take it, so I decided to go back to Virginia. I was heartbroken; I had not experienced the pain of someone you love deceiving you. I could not see beyond that point.
Westinghouse laid off many people at the time I was one of them. I was getting unemployment pay and expected to return to work at Westinghouse. I could not stay with Leon right there with someone else. Esther Mae was so disappointed that I was leaving. We had looked forward to living close to each other and the girls growing up together. I just could not stay. It would take a while for this relationship to be over.
I went back to 614. I can’t remember who was still there at that time. I think Jr had come back and was living at home with Daddy. I called Daddy, and he came to Baltimore; we rented a truck, and he drove me back to Virginia.
Things did not go very well. I needed to be closer to the job. I had to leave Karen at home alone to catch the bus to school because I had quite a distance to get to work. I had to leave before she left for school. A few times, she missed the bus and even tried hitchhiking because she did not want me to know she missed the bus.
I was talking to Esther about Karen and getting her to school and me also getting to work on time. She suggested I ask Aunt Mamie about staying with her until I could get an apartment near my job in Denbigh. Aunt Mamie said yes, so I stored my stuff and moved to Lee Hall with her. That is how I came to live in Denbigh, which made it seem like I was still living out of town. I don’t remember how long I stayed with Aunt Mamie. That’s when I got closer to her and formed a very close relationship with Aunt Mae. Funny, now developing relationships with my mother’s sister and my father’s sister simultaneously. I enjoyed staying with Aunt Mamie, maybe because it was secure and there was help with Karen. I was working at Bendix and waiting tables in Williamsburg.
I lost contact with most people I knew in Newport News and Hampton. Except for Frances, we remained friends till the end. Frances died on September 14, 2004, from complications of diabetes. I had not lived close to her for years but missed her, just knowing she was no longer here.
Bendix Corporation was a manufacturing and engineering company that made automotive brake shoes. There was a plant in Townson, MD, not far from where I lived in Baltimore at the time. I found out they were building a large plant in Virginia. In 1970 the new production line opened in Denbigh, VA. This was perfect for me, it was right around the time I got laid off from Westinghouse, and things had gone downhill with Leon. I checked at the Baltimore plant, and my experience at Westinghouse would qualify me to work at the Denbigh plant. I did get hired, but I wouldn’t say I liked it, but I needed a job.
There was an assembly line and a belt, and you sat there all day doing the same thing repeatedly, while at Westinghouse, we did the same thing repeatedly, but it was at a desk. You had time to talk to your coworkers. At Bendix, you hardly had time to look up; less have a conversation. I could not stand it; I couldn’t stand to be confined.
I worked there for over a year; that’s where I met Maxine and Beverly. We became best friends. They were both married and had children. They lived in Warwick Lawns, right around the corner from my apartment on Motoka Dr. We started doing things together; we all had children’s and husband’s issues. I was not married then, so I just listened to them. I could talk about the children’s issues; Karen was a preteen or maybe even in her teens at the time. I was hoping I could soon join in their conversations about their married life.
Now we are going back to the 1970s. Maxine, Beverly, and I have become terrific friends. If I remember right, I met Anna and LoLo at Dow Chemical. Dow Chemical manufactured Acrylic Fibers. Acrylic spun yarns and anti-static non-filament yarns for use in clothing and home furnishings. Production of acrylic fibers started at Dow in 1958. BASF bought it in 1978 and continued production of acrylic products until 1989.
Maxine, Beverly, and I left Bendix and went to work at Dow Chemical. The five of us worked there for some time. I can’t remember who went there; first, we all went there around the same time. The working conditions were better than at Bendix, but the hours were brutal. As time went by, we became very close. We were all in our prime with all sorts of things going on, from children, husbands, and home life to trying to get by on the money we made. And I was still single.
We worked swing shifts, which meant we rotated day, evening, and night shifts every two weeks. That can take a toll on your life and health. I have always been very independent, so I had to work. Don’t get me wrong; I would quit a job in a hot minute, and I was never afraid of getting another job. And getting welfare, well, that just was never a choice for me. I worked at Dow Chemical for several years. Except for the hours, I rather enjoyed it. The work itself was interesting. We each had individual stations. We had to put up acrylic yarn on a spool that would stretch from the machine to a net at the back of the machine. You could spin the acrylic yarn into smaller threads on a smaller spool. This was inspiring because you had to keep that net up as the yarn went through the machine.
The position of warehouse clerk came open, and it was DAY SHIFT. I applied for it and got it; working in the warehouse had drawbacks. It was dirty and dusty from the spinning yarns. There was a large tunnel where the yarn dust and scraps came from the line. We are all blessed that we did not get sick from breathing in all that dust.
As the lead person in the warehouse, I was the manager and supervised three other people. I also had to learn to drive a Forklift and load trucks. I had to pass the course “Basic Supervision of People,” and I still have the “Certificate of Completion” for completing the program. I had to pass a test to get a Vehicle Operator’s Permit to use the Forklift.
I drove a Forklift while pregnant with Lonnie, about eight months. I think that is why he slept so much when he was a kid whenever we would go on a trip in the car. He always fell asleep, no matter how short the trip was. I was so surprised when he got older and drove across the country.
Maxine and Beverly also transferred to the warehouse. I don’t know if I have all the facts in order, so Maxine and Beverly, if you have the opportunity to read this, please, charge it to my brain and not my heart. (Smile)
When I started working at Dow Chemical, I worked two jobs while living at Aunt Mamie’s. I worked primarily in the bar to save money to get an apartment. I got a job waiting tables in the NCO Club at Ft. Eustis. I found this place in Denbigh. It was a Co-op. Co-ops are often less expensive than rental apartments because they work on an at-cost basis. Owners in a Co-op own shares of the cooperative instead of owning their unit outright. It meant lower rent, and I could use the interest for tax purposes. I can’t remember how I found these, I had to come up with the money for the move-in cost and the move, so I saved all the money I earned waiting tables at Ft Eustis.
Irongate Townhomes, 171 #5 Motoka Dr., is the apartment we moved to in Denbigh. It was very nice; two bedrooms upstairs with bath and living room and kitchen with half bath down. Karen had friends that lived there in the same section. And by now, she is a little older and rode the bus to school. Karen went to Lee Hall Elementary School and Dozier Middle School. By the time she graduated from Menchville High School in June of 1981, we had made a life-changing turn. I married Lonnie, and we moved to Harrington Rd.
Karen would stay with Aunt Mae on the weekends while I worked waiting tables in Williamsburg or Ft Eustis. Karen did well in school, and things were going decent then. Karen learned how to keep things from me. And now, as I look back, I was so busy trying to make a living for us I did not give her all the attention she needed. When we were together, we mostly watched T.V.; we could tell you about every show that came on T.V.
We made it; as I write this, I now understand that sometimes you want to do more than just make it. Some things in a child’s life are significant, and you can’t go back to make it up to them. When Karen and I lived on Motoka Dr., I felt we were all alone. Sometimes I would pick up the phone to see if there was a dial tone. My phone did not ring much during that time.
Karen, I must apologize to you; I am so sorry. As I raised you, I tried hard to supply the things we needed on my own; sometimes, I left you out. There are no excuses; I did not know about life myself when I looked back 20, even 30 years ago. Therefore, I did not know what a jewel I had in you. I did not understand the part about you not needing more stuff, but more of me and more understanding. I wish I had put in more hugs and kisses rather than all the latest toys
If I could go back and talk to my younger self. I would tell her to slow down. You don’t have to work so hard; you don’t have to go so fast. I would tell her there is a man that was born just for you. God has it all worked out. God will send you the love of your life. Take time to look at your daughter and love her. She will have a Dad, and he will love her, and she will love him. He will love her, teach and guide her, and she will learn to trust and love him. He will be the grandfather to her only daughter. He will be there for her daughter from when she is born to when she is an adult when he will drive from Virginia to Texas to bring her back to Virginia to live with us.
He will give her all the love, support, and guidance all of his life. I would tell my younger self how much I love her. I would tell her you are not perfect right now and never will be, but you will get it together and live to be a role model to other young women.
God has always been on my side, and he opened doors for me that I did not know were closed; he opened my eyes and heart.
“I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright, sunshiny day. Oh, yes, I can make it now; the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for. It’s gonna be a bright, sunshiny day.” (By Johnny Nash)
This song came out in 1972; it was like it was written just for me the first time I heard it. I loved the words and related because I was coming out of the fog. The ’70s were a fog for me. I can see God had it all planned out; as I look back, I was coming close to my “Place in Time.”
“Behind every Strong Woman is a Tribe of other Strong Women who have her back.”
I have so many; I wanted to name them all but was afraid I would leave one out, which would be a tragedy.
I have met Lonnie Allen Williams, and he will become a significant part of my journey, and we would turn seven years into a lifetime…….
