I Believe – My Values

Julie’s birth day

Story of Liz’s birth day

Mom’s rose garden

Mom had a few rose plants that had been given to her at different occasions.  She didn’t realize that they require a lot of care.  After working in Mr. Anderson’s rose garden, (he had like 100 roses)  I was able to start helping her take better care of them.   I got fertilizer,  bug spray and tools to help with that.  After feeding, trimming and care,  her plants were producing some beautiful long stemmed red and yellow roses.   I think it gave her a lot of joy.  She actually smiled when they blossomed.  I wish I would have visited and helped her more often that I did.

Her last rose season was amazing.  I believe that the Lord blessed her and I with our last summer together with the most beautiful, amazing show of flowers.  2 of the once long stem bushes became huge climbing bushes and were loaded with her favorite color, pink roses.

 He also gave us the miracle of birth.  Outside of her kitchen window, where she washes dishes 3 x’s a day,  a robin was building a nest and we watched each day  as she did.  Then there were eggs, and it was time to see the eggs hatch.  We found joy in watching mama bird bring worms to the little ones.  We tried to guess when they would fly and we wanted to see when they did.  One day the nest fell down- she had built it on the crook of the eves trough.   We had conflicting ideas about what to do – pick it up and risk the robin never coming back or help her out and put it back up.  I had the idea to put on gloves, so my smell wouldn’t be on the nest, mom was ok with that.  

March 24, 2020.  Tonight, I am home.  As are all my neighbors.   We are all supposed to stay at home until April 3 for maybe even the 10th.  This virus is spreading so fast all over the world.  No schools open, no sports, no shopping, no restaurants, all work places closed down, no public anything. They sent all the school kids home from school and told them to take all their things.  School might resume in a week or so.  It was all over the country, the world.  When the girls came home it was all over the news.  I told them to watch this news, it is something they will always remember.   

Even weddings and funerals had to be postponed for weeks or months.  Grocery stores only letting in a few people at a time to shop.  New words like – social distancing,  quarantine, unprecedented,         Liz and Ken are working from home,  Chris had to get special permission from the governor to keep working with Walbridge.  Kele trying to keep the kids busy and Julie’s restaurant in St. John’s closed.  She is coming home tonight.  My 2 cleaning clients don’t want me til this is all over.  Everyone is worried.  Everyday there are hundreds more infected.  They say that older people with respiratory problems are most affected, and some die.  Hello to my asthma and being a senior citizen.  It has been hard to find things to do since I retired, sold my house in Saline and moved to the other side of the state.  I have left my friends and my church behind.   Getting to know Liz’s family has well been worth it most days.  It is sad to be so far away from Kele’s family who have grown up with me around.  New friends and volunteering at Makenzie’s school and my new church has filled some days with a feeling of worth. 

 But now we aren’t allowed to go and visit anyone.  Everyone is afraid of catching this.  Nicole has just had her baby and I was supposed to be babysitting by now.      Up until this week the weather has been cold.  How will we do things when people want to get outside.  All the parks are closed and we are supposed to keep 6 ft away from everyone.  Now that I am staying inside all the time and not even going for a walk, I can go over to Liz’s.   Although, I just realized they (Ken, Liz and Sydney) went for a walk while I was over there. Huh. Well, I get to go back tomorrow and work with M.  yay!  She is always glad to see me.  We made lip gloss from a kit tonight. 

looking back, going forward

At the risk of sounding like my mother here goes my laundry list of 2020 happenings.  

I have never believed in setting goals, it limits you on the possibilities and tends to narrow your mind on accomplishing things.  I did, however , have a loose timeline of my life after retirement.  It was my intention to stay busy and engaged,  but not over do.

•prepare for Italy,  explore Italy,

•sell Saline home 

• take apt in GR to be with Liz’s family for a year
• volunteer at Makenzie’s school, Kaitlyn and Sydney did NOT want me to be noon lady at theirs
• search for lake house, move in, live happily ever after

You know what they say,  “when we make plans, God has a good laugh.”

After returning home from my Italian experience in July of 2019,  I was homeless.  The house was being rented until the end of August because I wanted to stay in Rome til September  but didn’t get a visa, so I was home early.  I spent a week with Kele,  2 wks w/mom and a few days with Marsha.   I think I wore out my welcome at each place.  The time with mom was interesting and I think I was a bit bossy, so we had some quiet time apart.  

 As soon as I got back in the house I started getting it ready to put on the market.  Well,  actually I did most of the ‘getting ready’  2 years ago when I planned to move across the street to have a smaller house for 5 years, til I did retire.  So there wasn’t too much to do. It sold in 2 wks. then we had to SQUEEZE  everything into storage ( which includes Kele’s, Liz’s, mom’s and Marsha’s house), and rented an apartment in Grand Rapids.  I began searching for my apt in GR before the closing.  Liz helped me find a good one close to their house and with no steps for a wheelchair.. 

 Anxious  to begin volunteering at Makenzie’s school, I sent my application in during the summer.  I met with the principal at Lincoln Developmental Center (LDC) and explained that I hoped to volunteer 3 or 4 days a week at the school.   I was to meet with different teachers to see if they needed helpers.  I spent the day in Mak’s class,  then I helped at the school’s monthly assembly and dance party.  Since I knew a few of M’s classmates we had a great time laughing and teasing each other.  That is where the teachers could see that I knew how to interact and make the kids at ease.   After that I got emails about being a chaperone for field trips and special activities.  We went to the mall,  had a petting zoo come to the school and more monthly parties.  I was then introduced to a group called King’s Table, who directed the Halloween, Christmas, etc parties. We did face painting,  games and other activities with the students. Each one was unique and mostly happy, with their own special abilities.  I fell in love with them all.   It was great.  I did find myself drawn to the sad kids, trying to make them happy even if just for a minute. 

Miss Kara invited me to come to M’s class anytime. Mak was always so excited when I was there.  Sheryl asked me if I would help with other kids too, not just M.   She saw me with her friends and we have been able to talk about them when we get together.   I went at least one day a week.  Every time I came home exhausted. I found a new appreciation for all teachers of special needs kids and parents.    Sheryl and I got to be good friends and she invited my to attend a play with the other teachers downtown GR.  It was nice and I went a second time.  

 I even took dance lessons.  I had hoped to learn some new things.  You just had to be so close to strangers.  It was uncomfortable.  3 lessons and one dance exercise class before Covid.

The girls came over for game night at my house,  I took them out for dinner and they had me over several times. The girls and I went to movies on Tuesdays for free popcorn night.  And best of all I was able to Kaitlyn and Sydney at their activities.  Kaitlyn ran cross country, played powder puff football, choir and other school events.  She is a very popular girl and very positive and happy.  Sydney was active at soccer and volleyball, she is a leader and will stand up for herself whenever she needs to.   I have wanted to see them more often all their life and this was my opportunity.   It was easier to spend shorter times together.  Mak and I had sleep overs and did Christmas crafts together.   We collected pine cones from around my apt. and decorated them into bird feeders and tree ornaments.  She was so excited to give out the gifts we made, and more excited to have a secret from everyone.  It was a lot of work, but I hope she will always remember our times together.  I know I will.  

Things were working out very smoothly. Then Covid hit in March.   The world stopped.   Since it was so contagious and more complicated to people with underlying conditions Liz had to be very careful about me coming to their house.   Everyone was off from work or working at home. 

Schools, restaurants, movies, stores, offices -everything closed.  Liz got my groceries for me so I wouldn’t have to go out.  Since the girls were having school online and Kenzie was home Liz let me help with her school stuff.   We sewed masks at their house and I worked on customizing M’s wheelchair with extra foot padding.  I finally felt like part of the family.

In February just before covid,  mom, now 94, was having trouble getting around.  She was complaining about pains she was having.  Since 4 of my sibs were wintering in Florida,  I went down to stay with her.  Turns out she had broken her pelvic floor.   This time we both got along fine.  I felt that she needed me and I was glad to be there.  I always remembered that dad asked me to take care of mom (another story) so I was happy to help her.  I stayed another 3 weeks until she was able to get around.  On Easter, we made a big meal and watched mass online,  on my phone,  We were able to Zoom with my kids, something new for me.  This ‘zoom’ would become very necessary in the coming months.  We FaceTimes with Sharon, Glor and Mar too.  She was happy to see everybody in Florida.  I’m sorry we didn’t do more of that.

We sorted her pictures, baked, made meatloaf and spent time together.  I finally showed her my photos of Italy,  She kept saying,  “I can’t believe you traveled by yourself’.  She told me the story of the Christmas picture that I put up at her house last year.  I had heard from several people who offered to take it down, even the furnace repairman, that mom told them,  “My daughter put that up before she went to Italy and when she comes home she will take it down”.   It sounded like her way of making a memorial to me in case I didn’t make it back.  She was worried that I wouldn’t.   Now that I think about it – maybe she thought I might meet someone and stay there – no,  I’m sure she worried about my safety.  I took it down in August.  

Traveling back and forth from GR to look at potential homes in this area,  I made it a point to stop in and check on mom.  She was doing ok until she wasn’t.  She had fallen at home and was in pain again.  I came down to take her to see her doctor.  She had broken her hip and needed surgery.  It was a bad break.  They had to put in 2 pins.  Because of covid, only one person could visit her in the hospital.  Barb stayed.  I decided to stay down here to be close by.   I stayed at Kele’s while they were in North Carolina for a month, while Chris was working on site. 

Mom had to go right from the hospital to rehab for 2 weeks, which turned out to be 3.  We could only visit her through the window.  Being hard of hearing she wasn’t able to know what we were saying.  Mar got her a flip phone, really Mar?  she never did figure out how to use it.  Then we got walkie talkies.  That helped.  She was so sad and cried when we were there.  We brought flowers and bird feeders to put outside her window.  Mothers day was hard.  She had to quarantined for 2 wks. to make sure she did not have covid.  Then she was able to come to the lobby and see us through the glass. That helped both of us.  2 more weeks of PT and she was ready to come home.  We all had a meeting to figure out what to do for mom.  Her bones were so brittle, she could easily break another one.  She couldn’t stay alone.  Everybody but Glor and I wanted her to go to a nursing home.   No one wanted to take care of her but me.  After all, my dad asked me to shortly after he died.  I said, “I promised her that I would never put her in a home.  She could come and live with me”   Sharon said, “well, I didn’t”.  They all wanted her to go right from the rehab center to the home in Blissfield.  I couldn’t believe how cold they all were!  

 After trying to schedule each of them to spent a week with her in the spring, no one wanted to do that again.   It was up to me alone, I felt, to make sure mom didn’t have to go to the home.   I couldn’t bear the thought of mom being in a new place without all her “things”at 94.    I gave up my apartment in GR and moved in to her house.  Imagining that I could help her decide what to take with her when SHE decided IF she wanted to go. That was the beginning of a big split with us kids.  

Story 2   My time with mom.  

 

 

People ask me why I decided to go to Italy.  I always say that it wasn’t my plan.

But then, I never in my life wanted to go to Hawaii either. ( If there is a storm, you can’t just fly anywhere or go in the basement.  I digress.

2015.  I was planning to go to Maui for Julie’s 40th birthday.  This would be my 7th trip there. As we were getting ready to board the plane, they announced that if anyone would be willing to give up their seat, they would pay up to $800  and get them on a later flight that day.  Wow, that sounded like a great deal.  So I did it.

2016.  The next spring, my friend/boss, Dianne Widzinski, who had just lost her husband suggested that we take a trip somewhere.  It was just after Sam and I divorced..   I always said that I never wanted to go anywhere that I couldn’t speak the language. Because I knew a little French and Benedicte was there, I suggested taking one of those river cruises.  We could meet up with B.  I emailed and called her and waited for a response.  No response.  After waiting a month, Dianne said that the U of M alumni travel club had trips they take all over the world.  We looked at the brochure and we both felt good about the one to Italy.  After all we would have a guide and wouldn’t need to speak Italian.  

We planned, we went and after the trip, I realized that we had only seen just a small part of the country where 80% of the people are Catholic.  I thought it might be nice to go back someday and experience much more of the amazing culture, art, buildings, churches and food, etc.   It seemed so easy going there and I felt at home somehow.   

2017.  I was working so much and had so many more employee troubles that I decided it was time I thought about retiring.  After falling down stairs while vacuuming and breaking my arm,  I decided to put the business up for sale in September.  After all, the year before I was diagnosed with vertigo and then trigeminal neuralgia, I realize that my body was going downhill, fast.  With no offers all year,  by January I was getting burnt out.  I lowered the price and had several offers.  Everyone asked what I would do after I retired and I joked around that I maybe might go  back to Italy.  Not really serious at first, but after saying it, I thought, why not.!   I could take the $ from the sale of the business and just go for 6 months or so.   I surely would be able to see the country in that amount of time.  I always felt the the Lord was pulling me to come back.  As soon as I got the check from the business I started looking for an apartment in Rome.

Kids

Things I remember about you when you were growing up:

Liz: 

•We lived in a small house trailer in Brooklyn when you were born.  when you had just learned to crawl (about 6 months)  I thought I could hear you say “mum?” before you could even talk.  

•(2 yrs old) sitting on the back steps at the house in Tecumseh, on a warm summer afternoon and listening to different sounds. When we heard the sound of a fire siren you said,  “Is that you Santa  Claus?”

You seemed to understand things early. 

• High School – I was so proud of you the day you stood up to a parent on the summer softball program when you were an umpire.  You made a call and one dad yelled back at you. Then you very confidently and very calmly said to him,

“excuse me,  the rule book says  . . . .”  You earned the whole crowd’s respect just then.  

Julie 

•When Liz was about 2 we thought that we should have another baby for her to play with.  She was so happy when you were born.  When you were just a few weeks old, she would climb into your bassinet and undress you.  You must have liked it because I remember how quiet you both were.  I would look to see what you were up to and there you were 1 naked baby and 1 girl in her pajamas.

 •It was a hot summer the year you were born.  We didn’t have ac so we sat outside a lot and planned the big pool we would put in the back yard for you and Liz to swim. It was going to be an inground pool, one day, when we could afford it.  

Kele

•Even though you cried a lot when you were first born,  you were always a giggly, happy kid, and cheered up everyone around you.  . . . and you still do.  Your sisters loved having their new baby.  you would do anything they wanted you to do.  You followed them everywhere.  One summer day Julie and you made mud pies. She told you they tasted good  so you put some in your mouth and then smiled.  

my hs english teacher was Miss Gabriel.  She always said, try to be original.  Change things up and don’t be boring. I think she meant in our writing, but. . . .  At first, I didn’t know how to do that.  I only knew what I knew, it was safe.  Now being on my own for really the first time in my life, I am getting know myself and what I enjoy.  

It seems now that life is just starting for me.  I have worked and did what was expected,  school, earn money and stay out of trouble.  OK  that’s done.  After staying under the radar for most of my life, I am learning and understanding what it means to be alive.  Standing still is so hard for me to do.   After 3 failed marriages, it’s time to get moving.

Yay,  I get to see my family more often.  Whenever I want- well whenever they want me.  It is the most important thing to me.  So many milestones to experience.  Staying up to date with technology, music, slang, their friends, interests, activities and whatever is new in their life is a challenge I willingly accept.  It’s important to be a cool and interesting grandparent

   

I have just finished the movie “Oppenheimer”, and wanted to share my experience with Mr. A Anderson.  Since now I understand a little better the whole story. Mr. Anderson like to tell me about his experiences and one was about how he worked with Einstein.  Because when i heard Mr A tell the story he told that when he had spoken on the phone to a friend of his in German.  He was questioned by his superiors and about the call. 

    Since Mr. A was an important doctor of chemistry in the early 1940’s and currently in the Air Force. he was invited (enlisted) to work on the Manhattan Project. He told me stories about how he worked with Einstein and others and all the secrecy involved.  One story he told was about a phone call he had with a friend of his in Germany and he spoke fluent German.  after that phone call he was questioned  by many of his superiors about he and his friend in Germany. At the time they didn’t know they were building. They were  chosen because they were excellent in their field (his was chemistry). I didn’t understand what the connection was with Germany and the bomb until I watched this movie. Now I understand that when we were building the bomb we intended to drop it on Hitler and Germany.  And when Hitler killed himself in that bunker –  and Germany surrendered,  World War II was over. Since we were at war with Japan at the same time, and everyone said that Japan would never surrender it was decided to use the bomb on Japan instead,  

This was also interesting because I had just happened to watch the series band of Brothers before this trip and learned about a place called the Eagles nest Hitlertook his high ranking officers retreats, and it was in Austria. I had already intended to go to Austria to see where the sound of music was filmed. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see the Eagles nest or not  it is now renovated into a restaurant at the top mountain in Salzburg, Austria. Already decided it was important to go to see this place, but as it turns out, it was on one of the stops on the tour that I took there. You had to take a separate bus up the rest way of the mountain to see it. I chose not to go. 

What our parents saw

As I watch a documentary about WWII,  I consider what did our parents see, hear and experience in their early 20’s.    Life seemed so much harder then.  I wish I would have talked more about this with them.  Mom always said, “you have no idea”.  I remember her telling me that they had to stretch everything they had.  For example,  I have a cabinet that mom had in the house at one time.  It was called a pie safe.  The doors on it had screens and latches on it.  that way the dog or anyone else couldn’t get the food. (pie)  

When it was of no use in the house,  Dad took the old cabinet to use in the garage.  The mice would chew thru the wood, so dad took soup can lids to cover the holes.   I asked mom why he didn’t just build a new cabinet?  He was good at building anything.  (another story).  

She said “we couldn’t just go out and buy things”.  I  assumed she meant they didn’t have  much money.  She told me “you weren’t allowed to buy things like- sugar, flour, fat, tires, lumber- many things were rationed”.  (See story about ration books)

That is why we had piles of what I thought was junk.  Dad, and his 2 brothers, who lived just down the street, shared piles of steel and metal, wood, tires.  “You didn’t throw anything away.  Somebody could use it for something else.”   Whenever he needed to repair  or build something  he would go to the piles of leftovers.

I wonder about when dad’s oldest brother, Uncle Phil, who went to serve in the military, what things were like in his family.  I imagine Grandma probably said the rosary and went to mass everyday.   In his obituary we learned that he served for 5 yrs overseas,  had been shot and earned the Purple Heart medal.  Dad would have been about 18 years old, and Uncle Jr. about 8,  when Uncle Phil served.  At the time, he was the only one of his brothers who served.  Dad was exempt from serving as he was needed to work on the farm.  Farmers were needed to feed the country.   Uncle Jr. was too young.