I Believe – My Values

    Grandma was from Hamburg, Germany. She was born in 1881. My only memory about her background was that she worked as a domestic for a public official. I don’t know how she met grandpa. I know she followed him to the U.S. She spoke very little English and suffered with arthritis. My mother told me she had difficulty adjusting to her new country. She was always kind to my sister and when we visited her and Grandpa in their Union City apartment in the 1950’s. She was a great cook of German food which my sister loved and I didn’t. The apartment was cramped and hot and I was always glad when our visit ended. Grandma passed away on around 1965. She had a  tremendous influence on my father as I will discuss next.

Hans Nefzger, hereinafter referred to as “Dad”, was born on January 26, 1910 in Hoboken NJ. Since Grandpa was away on ships, Dad spent his infant years alone with Grandma. 

     Adolf and Dorothea Nefzger were born in the latter part of the nineteenth century. They immigrated from Germany to the United States in the early nineteen hundreds.  Adolf, my grandfather was born to an unwed mother in 1884. He took the name of his mother, which was Nefzger. The little known about his youth was related to me by my father. He evidently had to go out on his own early in life. I know he learned something about landscaping and joined the German Navy as a reservist around 1904. He was assigned to duty on the Kaiser Wilhelm’s yacht, the Hohenzollern. I am in possession of old photos, which depicts his class on the ship. My Dad indicated that Grandpa’s job on the ship involved dining room duties, such as setting and decorating tables. Dad also said that Adolf met the Czar of Russia when the Kaiser’s yacht met his ship at sea. The is that the crew had seamanship contests. Grandpa, the story goes received a commemorative medal from Czar Nicholas, which he later lost in a card game! 

  After serving in the Navy, Adolf went to on German passenger liners. I do not know what he did on those ships, but my guess is that be worked in the dining rooms. I do not know why he decided to immigrate to America, but he probably felt there was more economic opportunity here. Grandpa continued to work on ships for some time. My father, Hans, who was born in 1910, related to me that his early boyhood was spent alone with his mother while his father worked at sea.

   World War I was a traumatic time for the family.  Anti-German feelings ran high. Grandpa evidently could no longer work on German Liners and started working at home. I know he ran a delicatessen in Jersey City, NJ. Hans was active in the boy scouts when he was a teenager. He became an Eagle Scout and I still have a display of his badges. Evidently, education was important to my grandparents, because Hans enrolled in Stevens Institute of Technology after going to Dickinson High School in Jersey City. Grandpa passed away in 1963. I will return to Hans after a few brief notes about my grandmother Dorothea.

     It is important, in my estimation, that future generations be provided with some information about their ancestors.  Accordingly, I will attempt to provide a summary which will hopefully bring life to the folks upon whose shoulders we sit.  My sister Dorothy and I happen to be the last links on our side of the family who personally knew the first Nefzger arrivals to America.  So I will start with the Nefzger-Raith story first, to be followed by the Williams narrative, which goes back to the pioneers in Kentucky and the American Revolution.  Some of what is to be stated is factual and based on memory and some is based on anecdotal information which may bring these folks to life!  Hopefully this story will not get to boring.  Some things will be left out, because of the need for brevity. The high points will be hit.  So here we go!  

 

We were living on Macon Road in Tecumseh when  you were born.  Finally settled in to our house and made a few friends.  Aunt Glor was getting married in April and we were having a shower for her.  I was in charge of the invitations.  Tuesday, March 14,  early rise and making out the last ones,  suddenly having a few pains and I was realizing today would be Kele’s birthday.  Better hurry up and get them done.

I had picked out your name and your dad said ok to the name Kelly.  In the news at that time there was a soccer star named Pele and I thought that would be a great way to spell your name.  You would be the only Kele with a cool spelling.  As for Jane, I like that for a simple second name. We could the call you KJ.  In those days it wasn’t the best time for women and If we called you KJ you could go more places if people thought you were a man. People were biased back then about women – hiring, colleges, etc. I wanted you to have all the possibilities.

I called a good Jaycee friend to see if she could watch Lizy and Julie while I went to my scheduled Dr. appointment.  When I got to her house, I was having more pains and she didn’t want me to drive.  I think she was afraid I would have you at her house.  She called dad at work and he came to take me to Onsted for the appt.  Dr. Armovit said to go to the hospital and he would meet us there.

It was about 12:30 by then.  While we were there,  Janice came in to visit me,  she had just finished her shift and saw that I had come in.  I remember I had a window room and it was a little cloudy outside, a good day to stay inside with a new baby.  All of a sudden the pains came faster and we went right to the delivery room.  Dad came in too.  When we first saw you,  there was a lot of crying, you and me.  I was happy to see you.  I thought you were probably cold or needed to be snuggled. So the nurse hurried up so I could hold you.  I know dad was hoping for a boy, but you were so cute,  we loved you so much.  It was 3:27 in the afternoon and our family was complete.  

Dad brought Lizy and Julie up to see you the next day.  They could only see you through the nursery window and they just wanted

to touch you.  We will love you forever!

love you,   mom

Julie’s birth day

Story of Liz’s birth day

Mom’s rose garden

Mom had a few rose plants that had been given to her at different occasions.  She didn’t realize that they require a lot of care.  After working in Mr. Anderson’s rose garden, (he had like 100 roses)  I was able to start helping her take better care of them.   I got fertilizer,  bug spray and tools to help with that.  After feeding, trimming and care,  her plants were producing some beautiful long stemmed red and yellow roses.   I think it gave her a lot of joy.  She actually smiled when they blossomed.  I wish I would have visited and helped her more often that I did.

Her last rose season was amazing.  I believe that the Lord blessed her and I with our last summer together with the most beautiful, amazing show of flowers.  2 of the once long stem bushes became huge climbing bushes and were loaded with her favorite color, pink roses.

 He also gave us the miracle of birth.  Outside of her kitchen window, where she washes dishes 3 x’s a day,  a robin was building a nest and we watched each day  as she did.  Then there were eggs, and it was time to see the eggs hatch.  We found joy in watching mama bird bring worms to the little ones.  We tried to guess when they would fly and we wanted to see when they did.  One day the nest fell down- she had built it on the crook of the eves trough.   We had conflicting ideas about what to do – pick it up and risk the robin never coming back or help her out and put it back up.  I had the idea to put on gloves, so my smell wouldn’t be on the nest, mom was ok with that.  

March 24, 2020.  Tonight, I am home.  As are all my neighbors.   We are all supposed to stay at home until April 3 for maybe even the 10th.  This virus is spreading so fast all over the world.  No schools open, no sports, no shopping, no restaurants, all work places closed down, no public anything. They sent all the school kids home from school and told them to take all their things.  School might resume in a week or so.  It was all over the country, the world.  When the girls came home it was all over the news.  I told them to watch this news, it is something they will always remember.   

Even weddings and funerals had to be postponed for weeks or months.  Grocery stores only letting in a few people at a time to shop.  New words like – social distancing,  quarantine, unprecedented,         Liz and Ken are working from home,  Chris had to get special permission from the governor to keep working with Walbridge.  Kele trying to keep the kids busy and Julie’s restaurant in St. John’s closed.  She is coming home tonight.  My 2 cleaning clients don’t want me til this is all over.  Everyone is worried.  Everyday there are hundreds more infected.  They say that older people with respiratory problems are most affected, and some die.  Hello to my asthma and being a senior citizen.  It has been hard to find things to do since I retired, sold my house in Saline and moved to the other side of the state.  I have left my friends and my church behind.   Getting to know Liz’s family has well been worth it most days.  It is sad to be so far away from Kele’s family who have grown up with me around.  New friends and volunteering at Makenzie’s school and my new church has filled some days with a feeling of worth. 

 But now we aren’t allowed to go and visit anyone.  Everyone is afraid of catching this.  Nicole has just had her baby and I was supposed to be babysitting by now.      Up until this week the weather has been cold.  How will we do things when people want to get outside.  All the parks are closed and we are supposed to keep 6 ft away from everyone.  Now that I am staying inside all the time and not even going for a walk, I can go over to Liz’s.   Although, I just realized they (Ken, Liz and Sydney) went for a walk while I was over there. Huh. Well, I get to go back tomorrow and work with M.  yay!  She is always glad to see me.  We made lip gloss from a kit tonight. 

looking back, going forward

At the risk of sounding like my mother here goes my laundry list of 2020 happenings.  

I have never believed in setting goals, it limits you on the possibilities and tends to narrow your mind on accomplishing things.  I did, however , have a loose timeline of my life after retirement.  It was my intention to stay busy and engaged,  but not over do.

•prepare for Italy,  explore Italy,

•sell Saline home 

• take apt in GR to be with Liz’s family for a year
• volunteer at Makenzie’s school, Kaitlyn and Sydney did NOT want me to be noon lady at theirs
• search for lake house, move in, live happily ever after

You know what they say,  “when we make plans, God has a good laugh.”

After returning home from my Italian experience in July of 2019,  I was homeless.  The house was being rented until the end of August because I wanted to stay in Rome til September  but didn’t get a visa, so I was home early.  I spent a week with Kele,  2 wks w/mom and a few days with Marsha.   I think I wore out my welcome at each place.  The time with mom was interesting and I think I was a bit bossy, so we had some quiet time apart.  

 As soon as I got back in the house I started getting it ready to put on the market.  Well,  actually I did most of the ‘getting ready’  2 years ago when I planned to move across the street to have a smaller house for 5 years, til I did retire.  So there wasn’t too much to do. It sold in 2 wks. then we had to SQUEEZE  everything into storage ( which includes Kele’s, Liz’s, mom’s and Marsha’s house), and rented an apartment in Grand Rapids.  I began searching for my apt in GR before the closing.  Liz helped me find a good one close to their house and with no steps for a wheelchair.. 

 Anxious  to begin volunteering at Makenzie’s school, I sent my application in during the summer.  I met with the principal at Lincoln Developmental Center (LDC) and explained that I hoped to volunteer 3 or 4 days a week at the school.   I was to meet with different teachers to see if they needed helpers.  I spent the day in Mak’s class,  then I helped at the school’s monthly assembly and dance party.  Since I knew a few of M’s classmates we had a great time laughing and teasing each other.  That is where the teachers could see that I knew how to interact and make the kids at ease.   After that I got emails about being a chaperone for field trips and special activities.  We went to the mall,  had a petting zoo come to the school and more monthly parties.  I was then introduced to a group called King’s Table, who directed the Halloween, Christmas, etc parties. We did face painting,  games and other activities with the students. Each one was unique and mostly happy, with their own special abilities.  I fell in love with them all.   It was great.  I did find myself drawn to the sad kids, trying to make them happy even if just for a minute. 

Miss Kara invited me to come to M’s class anytime. Mak was always so excited when I was there.  Sheryl asked me if I would help with other kids too, not just M.   She saw me with her friends and we have been able to talk about them when we get together.   I went at least one day a week.  Every time I came home exhausted. I found a new appreciation for all teachers of special needs kids and parents.    Sheryl and I got to be good friends and she invited my to attend a play with the other teachers downtown GR.  It was nice and I went a second time.  

 I even took dance lessons.  I had hoped to learn some new things.  You just had to be so close to strangers.  It was uncomfortable.  3 lessons and one dance exercise class before Covid.

The girls came over for game night at my house,  I took them out for dinner and they had me over several times. The girls and I went to movies on Tuesdays for free popcorn night.  And best of all I was able to Kaitlyn and Sydney at their activities.  Kaitlyn ran cross country, played powder puff football, choir and other school events.  She is a very popular girl and very positive and happy.  Sydney was active at soccer and volleyball, she is a leader and will stand up for herself whenever she needs to.   I have wanted to see them more often all their life and this was my opportunity.   It was easier to spend shorter times together.  Mak and I had sleep overs and did Christmas crafts together.   We collected pine cones from around my apt. and decorated them into bird feeders and tree ornaments.  She was so excited to give out the gifts we made, and more excited to have a secret from everyone.  It was a lot of work, but I hope she will always remember our times together.  I know I will.  

Things were working out very smoothly. Then Covid hit in March.   The world stopped.   Since it was so contagious and more complicated to people with underlying conditions Liz had to be very careful about me coming to their house.   Everyone was off from work or working at home. 

Schools, restaurants, movies, stores, offices -everything closed.  Liz got my groceries for me so I wouldn’t have to go out.  Since the girls were having school online and Kenzie was home Liz let me help with her school stuff.   We sewed masks at their house and I worked on customizing M’s wheelchair with extra foot padding.  I finally felt like part of the family.

In February just before covid,  mom, now 94, was having trouble getting around.  She was complaining about pains she was having.  Since 4 of my sibs were wintering in Florida,  I went down to stay with her.  Turns out she had broken her pelvic floor.   This time we both got along fine.  I felt that she needed me and I was glad to be there.  I always remembered that dad asked me to take care of mom (another story) so I was happy to help her.  I stayed another 3 weeks until she was able to get around.  On Easter, we made a big meal and watched mass online,  on my phone,  We were able to Zoom with my kids, something new for me.  This ‘zoom’ would become very necessary in the coming months.  We FaceTimes with Sharon, Glor and Mar too.  She was happy to see everybody in Florida.  I’m sorry we didn’t do more of that.

We sorted her pictures, baked, made meatloaf and spent time together.  I finally showed her my photos of Italy,  She kept saying,  “I can’t believe you traveled by yourself’.  She told me the story of the Christmas picture that I put up at her house last year.  I had heard from several people who offered to take it down, even the furnace repairman, that mom told them,  “My daughter put that up before she went to Italy and when she comes home she will take it down”.   It sounded like her way of making a memorial to me in case I didn’t make it back.  She was worried that I wouldn’t.   Now that I think about it – maybe she thought I might meet someone and stay there – no,  I’m sure she worried about my safety.  I took it down in August.  

Traveling back and forth from GR to look at potential homes in this area,  I made it a point to stop in and check on mom.  She was doing ok until she wasn’t.  She had fallen at home and was in pain again.  I came down to take her to see her doctor.  She had broken her hip and needed surgery.  It was a bad break.  They had to put in 2 pins.  Because of covid, only one person could visit her in the hospital.  Barb stayed.  I decided to stay down here to be close by.   I stayed at Kele’s while they were in North Carolina for a month, while Chris was working on site. 

Mom had to go right from the hospital to rehab for 2 weeks, which turned out to be 3.  We could only visit her through the window.  Being hard of hearing she wasn’t able to know what we were saying.  Mar got her a flip phone, really Mar?  she never did figure out how to use it.  Then we got walkie talkies.  That helped.  She was so sad and cried when we were there.  We brought flowers and bird feeders to put outside her window.  Mothers day was hard.  She had to quarantined for 2 wks. to make sure she did not have covid.  Then she was able to come to the lobby and see us through the glass. That helped both of us.  2 more weeks of PT and she was ready to come home.  We all had a meeting to figure out what to do for mom.  Her bones were so brittle, she could easily break another one.  She couldn’t stay alone.  Everybody but Glor and I wanted her to go to a nursing home.   No one wanted to take care of her but me.  After all, my dad asked me to shortly after he died.  I said, “I promised her that I would never put her in a home.  She could come and live with me”   Sharon said, “well, I didn’t”.  They all wanted her to go right from the rehab center to the home in Blissfield.  I couldn’t believe how cold they all were!  

 After trying to schedule each of them to spent a week with her in the spring, no one wanted to do that again.   It was up to me alone, I felt, to make sure mom didn’t have to go to the home.   I couldn’t bear the thought of mom being in a new place without all her “things”at 94.    I gave up my apartment in GR and moved in to her house.  Imagining that I could help her decide what to take with her when SHE decided IF she wanted to go. That was the beginning of a big split with us kids.  

Story 2   My time with mom.