Kathy Kelly

My testimony from Childhood to Grandma  

My earliest memory of God was lying in bed and thinking about God and Jesus as separate individuals. I was about 8 years old. I know I attended the Methodist church occasionally, but that is all. It wasn’t until I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that I found out that most churches believe the God head, or Trinity, are all one being.  As a child that didn’t make sense to me; they were Father and Son, separate beings!

At times, while trying to fall asleep at night, I would get a little bit scared. So in my mind I would ask my “little white men” to make a circle around me.  They were all dressed in white suits, ties, shirts, etc. They would “float” above me in a circle around my whole body.  I felt so safe.  After I joined the church and went to the temple, I realized that my “little white men” were dressed exactly like the men in the temple! I know that as a child I had a memory of the pre-existence.  This memory has become very sacred to me.  I found this quote by President Russell M. Nelson about Heavenly Father; “His love is constant. He never stops watching over us.  He has promised that He will be on our right hand and on our left, that His Spirit will be in our hearts, and that even His angels will surround us.”

After we joined the church in 1979, I had several spiritual experiences that testified to me of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.  Some I felt very strongly and others not so strong.  I will share some of the “strong” ones here, but realize all my experiences were important and touching to me.

My mother died of a heart attack in October 1986.  At the time we had a “cordless” telephone and one of the hand-held phones was upstairs under our bed and the ringer was turned off.  Doug was just one year old at the time, and had just woke up and I went to get him from his crib.  While I was up, I heard the phone downstairs ringing.  It was the hospital calling to tell me my mother was there and that I should get there quickly.  I know that if Doug had not started to cry, I never would have heard the phone and been able to get to the hospital.  What a blessing!

I got to the hospital and was able to talk to my mom before they started the surgery (she had a clogged artery).  I held her hand and told her I loved her.  That was the last time we talked.  The doctors were able to unclog the artery, but her heart never settled down and she died. Teresa Muse was there with me, as was Jerry.  The next several weeks were very hard for me. My Ward and my mother’s Ward took good care of us.  Meals were brought in and Kim Higbee planned the whole funeral program and got people to speak, give prayers, play the piano, etc .  It was such a blessing to not have to worry about all the details. My mother’s brother and his wife, Phil and Mary Anderson, came out for the funeral.  They were able to share some memories about my mother with us.  

I was dealing with a great amount of grief and lost 15 pounds!  After about two weeks, I prayed to Heavenly Father that I could feel better because I had three small children I needed to take care of.  My answer came in a “thought”. I saw my mother sitting in a nice room with her family that had died before her.  They were talking and laughing.  From then on, I was able to feel some peace and move on and tend to my family.  Another blessing in my life.

The last spiritual occurrence I want to share is about my separation from Kelly.  We had been struggling in our marriage and seeing a therapist and also our bishop.  This went on for about two years.  At one point Kelly told me he had no testimony and wanted to start drinking coffee, alcohol and smoking pipes and cigars.  We lived like this for some time.  During all this, I was praying to Heavenly Father to tell me what to do.  Should we stay together or separate? I never got an answer. When things continued to get worse (for me, anyway) I again prayed.  This time I told Heavenly Father that I could not handle this anymore and wanted out.  I asked, “Is this the right thing to do?” I immediately got my answer; a strong, peaceful feeling enveloped my whole body, from head to toe.  As Kelly and I discussed separating and completing all the details, I never doubted my decision.  I knew I had my answer and I was doing the right thing.  There was never a moment I questioned my decision. Another blessing and answer to a prayer.

I have a testimony of the gospel.  I know we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and is merciful.  I know that as much as I love my children and grandchildren and would forgive them of anything, I know our Heavenly Father will do the same. My wish is that my family will live their lives as good followers of Christ, knowing that they are doing the best they can and that Christ will atone for their shortcomings and that Heavenly Father will welcome them with open arms.

I love you all. 

PS: I survived the 2020 Corona Virus! I was vaccinated with the Pfizer vaccine February 2021!

I want to include my mother in my history because she and I were very close and she influenced me throughout my whole life. My parents divorced when I was very young. I don’t remember my dad ever living in our home, but of course, he did. Even though they divorced, I always felt safe and loved.

My mother worked most of my life at the Broadway department store in Westchester, California. When she would get home from work in the afternoon, she would help my brother Kenneth and I with our homework. We would sit at the kitchen table and talk and get our work done. Later, we would sit at the dining room table and play board games. My favorite was a game called Aggravation. It was similar to the game Sorry where you had to move your marbles around the board till you got to your home space. I loved that game! We also had some card games we would play.

When I got a little bit older, I would take the bus to Westchester and meet her at the Woolworths lunch counter and we would have lunch together. My favorite dinners at home were chili mac and meatloaf. The very first time I went out to a sit down restaurant was when I was 15 years old. My mother and I went to a Sizzler and I thought it was wonderful!

Family was important to my mom. She was very close to her siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. I saw this from an early age and knew that this was how I wanted to raise my family. A fun memory I had was when I was about 17 years old. My mom and I took the train to Denver, Colorado where her sister Virginia and her husband lived. While there, we drove to Sarban, Nebraska to visit her brother Jimmy and his wife Jessie. They lived on a farm and I got to go horseback riding! I so enjoyed that trip!

When I was a teenager, my brother Jerry helped my mom apply for a job with the Los Angeles County Social Services Department.  She got the job and was able to sit down while doing her job!  Her last years at the Broadway really hurt her feet. 🙁  Her position required her to help people fill out the intake forms.  Then she would call them when it was their appointment time.  She did enjoy this job and stayed there till she retired at age 65.

After I graduated high school, she sold our house and we moved to an apartment on Sepulveda Blvd.  As I look back now, I realize it was old, but at the time, I didn’t mind.  It was one bedroom, so my mom and I shared the room with twin beds. I didn’t mind this at all, and in fact, quite enjoyed it.  When my brother Ken came home on leave from the Navy, we had a chair that opened up to a twin bed for him.  We moved a couple of times after this, and most times my mom and I shared a room.  We did this till I moved out with friends to go to college.

Later, after Kelly and I were married and bought our first house in Chatsworth, my mom moved in with us. She was retired then and paid us a little bit of rent.  It helped her and it helped us.  And, I loved having her with us! She lived with us till Morgan was born and we moved to Newbury Park.  At this time she moved to Culver City but then moved to Thousand Oaks so she could be closer to us. She was able to get into a Senior Housing apartment that was brand new and she so loved it!  She loved her Ward and made new friends at her apartment.  

On Thursday’s the apartment would get donuts dropped off from shops that had extra.  My mom would bring some over to our house for the kids (and me!).  The kids loved this and we called it “Donut Thursdays”.  

We enjoyed our time together and talked almost every day on the phone, if we didn’t get together.  It was a very sad day for me when she died.  I explain this in an upcoming chapter.

While in Newbury Park, I decided to go back to school and complete my Teaching Credential. Merleen Gholdston also was returning to school, so we helped each other with tending kids. This was about 1987. After I received my credential I started teaching kindergarten at Pinecrest School in Thousand Oaks. I was there for two years and then got a job at Knolls Elementary in Simi Valley (1996) teaching 3rd grade. I was there for 20 years teaching both 2nd and 3rd grade. I loved teaching and it was a joy to go to work every day!

Kelly continued to work for Samy’s Camera in Los Angeles and then managed the Santa Barbara store. At this time, (2005?) Kelly started to have health issues and was taking a lot of drugs.                   It began to affect his work and soon he was on state disability. I continued to work, so we were able to manage financially.

The years that followed were not good for us.  We were receiving professional counseling and also meeting with our bishop, Kes Andersen.  At one point Kelly told me he didn’t have a testimony of the church any more.  I already felt that was the case, but told him he should continue to go to church and pray about it.  Testimonies can be strong at times, or weak.  Kelly was not interested in trying.  He began to drink coffee, and then drinking alcohol and smoking pipes and cigars.  Doug was going in and out of rehab at this time and Kelly would give him alcohol and Xanax.  When I told our counselor about this, I asked her what she would do if this was her husband?  As a counselor and being LDS, she never would advise divorce.  However, she answered me by saying, “If it was her husband giving her child drugs, he would be gone that day.”  This was the same with our Bishop.  He is not supposed to advise divorce, but he told me I needed to decide how much I wanted to put up with.  My heart was aching for my marriage and my son.

I had been praying for a couple of years about my marriage. I always asked Heavenly Father what I should do, but never felt like I got an answer.  I finally prayed and told Heavenly Father I could not do this anymore, and thought we needed to separate. I immediately got my answer.  A physical peace came over me from head to toe.  Kelly and I discussed a legal separation and everything went smoothly.  In August 2007, Kelly moved to Sandy, Utah.

As we contemplated separation, Kelly confided in me that he was molested by his brother, Judd, when he was young.  He also said that his sister Sheila was also molested by Judd.  Kelly also grew up with alcoholic parents.  All these childhood and family occurrences affected Kelly so that it was hard for him to trust and to truly love.  I’m sorry that we were not able to deal with these issues earlier in our marriage.

After our separation, I stayed in our home in Newbury Park and continued to work and go to church.  In 2013 I retired and moved to Utah to live with Quinn.  It was a very happy time for me and I continue to be very happy living with Quinn.  She has been very good to me as has Morgan and John.  Doug and I continue to repair our relationship, and I hope he knows how much I love him and want him in my life.

Kelly did not do well in Utah.  At one point he had Rick and Janet Wells living with him.  They were all drinking and using drugs.  Kelly ended up in the hospital a few times for problems related to drinking.  After a few years, he gave up his home to a short sale and moved to an apartment.  His health continued to decline.  Soon Doug drove out from Virginia to move Kelly to Virginia to be close to him so he could help with his care.  On April 29, 2016, Kelly fell and hit his head and died.  He was found by a health worker who came to check on him.  It was a very sad time for all of us.  I remember staying in bed one day and just crying.  Grieving is hard.  I mourned Kelly’s death and also mourned what could have been and what should have been.  I have a testimony of the plan of salvation and know that we will be together again; I know our family is eternal.

I loved being a mom! Quinn was born October 13, 1978 and I felt a love like no other. We were in Santa Maria and my mother was living with us. She was a big help taking care of Quinn. Quinn was given my mothers maiden name, Anderson, for her middle name. When Quinn was a bit older, we made trips to See Canyon near Avila Beach, to get apples! What a beautiful drive through the canyon to get fresh apples. Even after we left Santa Maria, we continued to make trips to Santa Maria to get apples. We also, of course, got strawberries! Biggest and sweetest strawberries I have ever eaten!

Some restaurants we went to were the Far Western in Guadalupe, the Hitching Post, and Pappy’s. We also would buy Santa Maria BBQ on the weekends from service organizations selling BBQ on Broadway St. Yum!

Quinn was very shy as a little girl. but she grew out of it and was a real delight to have around the house! She was always motivated to do well in school and when she graduated high school, she was accepted to BYU.  She took a break to go on a mission for our church.  She was called to serve in Vina del Mar, Chile.  After she graduated BYU, she worked for Countrywide Bank in Calabasas, CA.  While working there, she earned her Masters Degree in Business from California Lutheran University.  After a couple of years, she transferred to Countrywide in NYC.  She loved it in NY and we loved visiting her.  When the recession hit in 2008, she took a job with KeyBank in Salt Lake City, UT.  She is there as of this writing and doing very well.  She bought a beautiful house in Centerville, UT and I get the benefit of living in it!

Morgan was born June 9, 1981. What a sweet baby! She was named after her dad and mom; both our middle names, Morgan and Kay. She learned how to suck her thumb and could sooth herself to sleep. Morgan was always very social; she loved being with her friends.  Once her dad asked her why we sleep at night.  She answered, “because no one is playing.”  🙂  In high school, Morgan was involved in leadership and loved being able to hang with her friends and plan activities for her class.  After graduation, she moved to Provo, Utah with her best friend Jackie Allen.  They lived together in an apartment and Morgan worked at Mimi’s Café.  Morgan decided she wanted to move back home and attend school at Moorpark College.  She attended the single adult ward and that is where she met her husband, John Wallet.  He is the best husband and father!  They have 3 children, Devan, Lilah, and Jasper and now live in Prosper, Texas, (2020).  I miss them so much, but try to see them often.  Morgan also had a love of sewing, like her grandmother, and taught herself to quilt.  She began selling baby quilts, but soon changed to selling fabric bundles and is doing very well making some good money!  She is so smart and talented!

Doug was born September 5, 1985 in Thousand Oaks. He also, was a good baby and Quinn and Morgan were both old enough to be good helpers. Quinn would push him in the stroller up and down the street to give him some fresh air and to calm him down.  Doug was a very sweet and kind boy.  His friends growing up were David Palmer and Dallin Andersen.  They would play all day either basketball, rollerblading or video games. Doug was very good at basketball and was on the travelling team in junior high.  After high school, Doug started school at Moorpark College but soon got involved with drugs.  This was a very difficult time for our family.  Many prayers were sent up for him and they were answered.  He and his girlfriend Michelle Packard, lived with me for two months before they moved to Virginia to be near her family.  I feel fortunate for those two months as I got to see Doug as he was before the drug use.  He was so helpful around my house, and kind.  He has since divorced, but has 3 beautiful sons, Ender, Braxton and Owen.  I don’t get to see them much, but we try to get together every summer.  Doug has done well professionally as well as being a good father.  He works very hard and I hope that he will continue to be happy.

I love all my children very much. (And my grandchildren).  They are the most important part of my life.  They bring me joy and happiness that nothing else can.  It is an eternal love that is the greatest blessing from my Heavenly Father.

Quinn and Morgan were both born in Santa Maria, CA at Marian Hospital. In 1981, when Morgan was 3 months old we moved to Newbury Park, CA. We had two beagles, Jake and Ginger. Doug was born in 1985 at Los Robles Hospital in Thousand Oaks. At the time of our move to NP, Kelly became inactive in church. I continued to attend and met Teresa and Dwight Muse who had kids the same age as mine; Danielle, Quinn’s age, and Joey, Morgan’s age. Melinda and Steven were older. Our ward was the Newbury Park 2nd.

Teresa was called to be the Primary President and she told me that when she prayed about counselors, my name kept coming to her mind, but she pushed it away thinking I would not want to serve in Primary because Kelly was not active. However, she finally listened and I was called to be her counselor along with Kim Higbee. Around the same time, Dwight was made our Home Teacher. We became good friends with both families and soon Kelly was attending church! An answer to mine and Teresa’s prayers!

Soon the Gholdston family moved in down the street. Their kids, Rebecca, David and Kathryn were the same ages as our kids. Kelly, Muse, Higbee and Gholdston families became very good friends and made a lot of memories together!

Camping at Leo Carrillo State Beach, mostly every spring, with other families from the ward was an event we all looked forward to. We also camped at Sequoia National Park, and Yosemite.

We loved camping! We had a big blue and white striped tent that we all could fit in. We called it our “circus” tent.  No RV’s for us! We loved planning meals and cooking out and then sitting around the campfire and eating s’mores. These are memories I will cherish forever!

We had a half cocker spaniel as a pet. She was black and sooo cute and smart! Her name was Lady. Kelly didn’t like dogs much and didn’t want her in our bedroom. So she would come upstairs and sit outside our bedroom door if he was in the room. If it was only me in the room, she would run up and jump on the bed! Loved that dog! I was so sad when she died and have never had another dog. The thought of losing another dog was too painful.

Quinn and Morgan both graduated from Newbury Park High School and both had 100% attendance in Seminary all four years!

Doug took the GED and passed and then left high school early,  He wanted to work with his friend Tyson Fitgerald, selling products online.  This didn’t last long, so Doug attempted some classes at Moorpark College.  This was about the time he got involved with drugs and it was a very trying time for Kelly and I.  I look back now and wish I could have done something different to help him, but I didn’t know how to deal with his addiction.  I think all moms think they made many mistakes and wish they could change things.  I just need to know I did the best I could and forgive myself my inadequacies. Everything I did, was done with love. 

I think we did OK giving our kids a good childhood.  Thousand Oaks was a beautiful and safe community.

At the end of my college years, I was living with Nancy. We first had an apartment in Culver City and then in West Los Angeles on Venice Blvd. These were some fun years; dating, vacationing, going to the beach, and eating at TITO’S! While I was finishing my BA degree I had a substitute teaching job with the Los Angeles Children’s Centers. I mostly worked with the pre-school children. I really enjoyed it and it allowed me time to take off and travel. In about 1973 Nancy moved to Laguna Niguel to live with her sister. I had my brother Ken move in with me as I could not afford the apartment on my own. It was during this time that I started dating Tim Kelly.

My friend Debbie Hanowell lived in the Oakridge Garden Apartments on Sepulveda Blvd. near Venice Blvd.  She invited me over one evening for cheese and wine and said she would invite two guys from the apartment also and I could see if I liked either one of them! I immediately was attracted to Kelly, however, I don’t think he felt the same.  A couple of weeks later Debbie told me that Kelly had invited her to a party, but she declined and told him I would probably like to go.  So he called me.  I asked him his last name and he told me it was “Kelly”.  I said, “Your name is Kelly Kelly?” Then he told me his name was Tim Kelly but all his friends called him Kelly.  We went to the party together and then continued to date after. We had some ups and downs during the next year. A couple of times we broke up because he felt like he wanted to date other girls.  I stuck it out and we ended up getting engaged and then married August 23, 1975.

We bought our first house in Chatsworth, CA.  It was on Nevada street but I don’t remember the address.  We were there about a year and then moved to Westchester to be closer to our jobs. We lived on 82nd Street.  I continued to work for the Children’s Centers and Kelly worked for two different camera stores off and on. He would go back and forth to whoever would pay him the most money! One was Jack’s Camera in Beverly Hills and the other was Parkwood Camera in West LA.

In 1978 we moved to Santa Maria, CA to open our own camera store, Village Camera in Orcutt. Kelly had gone to high school there, so he already knew a lot of people. I was about 5 months pregnant with Quinn. We bought a new home on Ocotillo St. It was a lot of work because we had to add window treatments, landscaping, etc.

Kelly hired a 16 year old girl, Debbie Jones, to help at the store.  Her father, Ed Jones, was the bishop of the Santa Maria 4th ward.  Long story short, soon the missionaries were knocking at our door; we took the discussions, both agreed that we believed what we were being taught and were baptized in 1979.

My mother was baptized shortly after us and actually went through the temple before us.

Our first friends in the church were the Wells family, Richard and Jakie and their kids Janet, Rick, Eric and Chad.  We had a lot of fun with them and often went to their “cabin” at Lake Nacimiento to water ski and swim in the lake.

After about 3 years in Santa Maria, we had to declare bankruptcy and then moved to Newbury Park.  Morgan was just 3 months old. Kelly took a job at Woodland Hills Camera, then Pan Pacific Camera in Los Angeles. After a few years, (I’m not sure how long) he went to work for Samy’s Camera in Los Angeles.

Kelly worked hard and I was able to stay home with the kids.  Doug was born in Thousand Oaks.  We had many friends from church and in the neighborhood.  The Muse’s, Francom’s, Gholdston’s, Nacagawa’s, Jorgensen’s, Palmer’s and Andersen’s, just to name a few! These years were pretty good for us.  Again, some ups and downs, but basically we were happy.

After I graduated high school, my friend Bonnie Bentley and I decided to take a couple of classes at Santa Monica City College (now Santa Monica College.) As I remember, I was most excited about being able to wear pants! I didn’t do too well that first semester, but then got serious and graduated with an Associates degree in Early Childhood Education. I really enjoyed working with kids.

After I completed my AA degree, I decided I might as well transfer to San Fernando State College, now California State University at Northridge, or CSUN. My major was Childhood Education. My friend Beryl was going to school there, so it was nice to have a friend there. CSUN was considered a “commuter” school because most people lived off campus and drove to school. After my first semester, Beryl and I and her friend Debbie Nessett, got an apartment together in Northridge. My first time living away from my mom. It was a good way to learn to take care of myself and manage my money! I paid for all my expenses myself!

After I graduated high school, I got a job at Blue Chip Stamps in Westchester. Grocery stores, gas stations, and some other stores would give you “Blue stamps” that you could take home and glue in a small book. The more you spent the more stamps you got. Then when you got enough books you could take them to the Blue Chip Stamp store and redeem them for a variety of things, like a lamp, towels, sheets, clock, toaster, mixer, etc. So my job was to show the customers the products or to work at the counter counting and collecting the “books of stamps” and then giving the item to the customer. I really liked the job and worked there most of my college years. I worked part time and went to school part time. It took me 6 years to graduate college because I had to work to pay my way. No help from my mom or dad. But I didn’t think anything of it. Most of my friends were doing the same and we all managed and had a good time together! 

When I was in high school, I had no plans to go to college; it just sort of happened.  I worked very hard to graduate; it was not that easy for me.  I was the first, and only, one in my family to graduate college! My mom was very proud of me!

During these college years, I took a lot of trips with my friend Beryl. Our first trip was to Hawaii. I always dreamed of going to Hawaii. I wanted to live on the beach and swim every day! So this was a dream trip for me. And my first plane ride. Debbie, Beryl and I went. We went with backpacks and stayed for a month! And if I remember correctly, the whole trip only cost me $300! Most of the time we were able to camp on beaches. However, when we first arrived we stayed in a small, one room “apartment” a couple of blocks from Waikiki beach.  We loved going to the beach every day! We found small, local “cafes” or sometimes food trucks to buy food from. Delicious! Occasionally, we picked pineapples from the field.  Not legal, but oh so good! 

After a week or so, we flew to Maui.  It was against the law to “hitchhike” but if you stood on the side of the road, people would know you wanted a ride and would stop and pick you up.  One time a doctor vacationing in Maui picked us up and let us use his hotel room shower.  Luxury! (I know this is not safe, so if you are reading this, DO NOT HITCHHIKE!). But remember, this was in the 1970’s. In fact, 1971. I was 21 years old. We visited all the sites on Oahu and at that time they were all free!

Our next trip was to Mexico!  We took the bus, yes, bus, from Tijuana to Mexico City.  The bus was nothing special.  People with chickens and other animals would get on and off.  There were two drivers; one would drive while the other slept in the luggage compartment on the side of the bus. We stopped in small, out of the way towns to eat and use the bathroom. Not a fun experience. It took two days to get to Mexico City.  We stayed in a hotel and explored the city and some of the ruins. We even picked up some Spanish while we were there! After about a week, we took a bus to Acapulco.  We stayed in a hotel there and had fun in the sun. One day we decided to swim from the beach to a little island that wasn’t too far off, or so it seemed.  As we were swimming a boat passed us.  The men on the boat were yelling at us, “Tiburon” which means “Shark”.  Of course we didn’t understand, so we kept swimming.  We made it to the island, but we were exhausted! Fortunately, a man with a small boat offered us a ride back to our beach.

When it was time to go home, we decided to take the train as the bus had been such a bad experience.  The train was a bit better; cleaner, but still stopped for people with chickens!  Another fun trip!

I also took a trip to Canada with my friend Nancy Blankman ( Lemire).  She had relatives in Seattle so we stayed with them a few days.  We drove my VW (at this time I had a 1969 VW; powder blue, that I bought new!) and I had a nice tent so we camped along the way.  While staying with her relatives we got to ride their horses.  We got to  a corral and decided to get off.  When it was time to get back on, the horses wouldn’t  stand still for us!  We finally got on them and rode back to the farm.

Our next stop was Canada.  We drove to Vancouver Island and found a nice little campground near a small lake. In the site next to us were two guys from Quebec, Canada.  They spoke French and English and were there for the summer working in the city of Victoria doing construction.  In the afternoon, they would go spear fishing and catch fish for dinner.  We stayed there about a week and ended up sharing meals with them! At one point, it rained for 3 days and 3 nights, but my tent kept us dry!  We would drive into Victoria during the day and shop and just hang around waiting for the rain to stop.

These years were a time of growth for me.  I learned how to budget my money, how to take care of my car, how to maneuver through the college system, and how to improve my social skills.  I had a couple of serious boyfriends, but none that ended in marriage. This also was a learning time; I began to realize what was important to me in a future mate.  As you can see, these young adult years are a very important time in ones life. As I look back, I think I did OK, but understand how my life could have been different had I been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ at the time.