looking back, going forward
At the risk of sounding like my mother here goes my laundry list of 2020 happenings.
I have never believed in setting goals, it limits you on the possibilities and tends to narrow your mind on accomplishing things. I did, however , have a loose timeline of my life after retirement. It was my intention to stay busy and engaged, but not over do.
•prepare for Italy, explore Italy,
•sell Saline home
- take apt in GR to be with Liz’s family for a year
- volunteer at Makenzie’s school, Kaitlyn and Sydney did NOT want me to be noon lady at theirs
- search for lake house, move in, live happily ever after
You know what they say, “when we make plans, God has a good laugh.”
After returning home from my Italian experience in July of 2019, I was homeless. The house was being rented until the end of August because I wanted to stay in Rome til September but didn’t get a visa, so I was home early. I spent a week with Kele, 2 wks w/mom and a few days with Marsha. I think I wore out my welcome at each place. The time with mom was interesting and I think I was a bit bossy, so we had some quiet time apart.
As soon as I got back in the house I started getting it ready to put on the market. Well, actually I did most of the ‘getting ready’ 2 years ago when I planned to move across the street to have a smaller house for 5 years, til I did retire. So there wasn’t too much to do. It sold in 2 wks. then we had to SQUEEZE everything into storage ( which includes Kele’s, Liz’s, mom’s and Marsha’s house), and rented an apartment in Grand Rapids. I began searching for my apt in GR before the closing. Liz helped me find a good one close to their house and with no steps for a wheelchair..
Anxious to begin volunteering at Makenzie’s school, I sent my application in during the summer. I met with the principal at Lincoln Developmental Center (LDC) and explained that I hoped to volunteer 3 or 4 days a week at the school. I was to meet with different teachers to see if they needed helpers. I spent the day in Mak’s class, then I helped at the school’s monthly assembly and dance party. Since I knew a few of M’s classmates we had a great time laughing and teasing each other. That is where the teachers could see that I knew how to interact and make the kids at ease. After that I got emails about being a chaperone for field trips and special activities. We went to the mall, had a petting zoo come to the school and more monthly parties. I was then introduced to a group called King’s Table, who directed the Halloween, Christmas, etc parties. We did face painting, games and other activities with the students. Each one was unique and mostly happy, with their own special abilities. I fell in love with them all. It was great. I did find myself drawn to the sad kids, trying to make them happy even if just for a minute.
Miss Kara invited me to come to M’s class anytime. Mak was always so excited when I was there. Sheryl asked me if I would help with other kids too, not just M. She saw me with her friends and we have been able to talk about them when we get together. I went at least one day a week. Every time I came home exhausted. I found a new appreciation for all teachers of special needs kids and parents. Sheryl and I got to be good friends and she invited my to attend a play with the other teachers downtown GR. It was nice and I went a second time.
I even took dance lessons. I had hoped to learn some new things. You just had to be so close to strangers. It was uncomfortable. 3 lessons and one dance exercise class before Covid.
The girls came over for game night at my house, I took them out for dinner and they had me over several times. The girls and I went to movies on Tuesdays for free popcorn night. And best of all I was able to Kaitlyn and Sydney at their activities. Kaitlyn ran cross country, played powder puff football, choir and other school events. She is a very popular girl and very positive and happy. Sydney was active at soccer and volleyball, she is a leader and will stand up for herself whenever she needs to. I have wanted to see them more often all their life and this was my opportunity. It was easier to spend shorter times together. Mak and I had sleep overs and did Christmas crafts together. We collected pine cones from around my apt. and decorated them into bird feeders and tree ornaments. She was so excited to give out the gifts we made, and more excited to have a secret from everyone. It was a lot of work, but I hope she will always remember our times together. I know I will.
Things were working out very smoothly. Then Covid hit in March. The world stopped. Since it was so contagious and more complicated to people with underlying conditions Liz had to be very careful about me coming to their house. Everyone was off from work or working at home.
Schools, restaurants, movies, stores, offices -everything closed. Liz got my groceries for me so I wouldn’t have to go out. Since the girls were having school online and Kenzie was home Liz let me help with her school stuff. We sewed masks at their house and I worked on customizing M’s wheelchair with extra foot padding. I finally felt like part of the family.
In February just before covid, mom, now 94, was having trouble getting around. She was complaining about pains she was having. Since 4 of my sibs were wintering in Florida, I went down to stay with her. Turns out she had broken her pelvic floor. This time we both got along fine. I felt that she needed me and I was glad to be there. I always remembered that dad asked me to take care of mom (another story) so I was happy to help her. I stayed another 3 weeks until she was able to get around. On Easter, we made a big meal and watched mass online, on my phone, We were able to Zoom with my kids, something new for me. This ‘zoom’ would become very necessary in the coming months. We FaceTimes with Sharon, Glor and Mar too. She was happy to see everybody in Florida. I’m sorry we didn’t do more of that.
We sorted her pictures, baked, made meatloaf and spent time together. I finally showed her my photos of Italy, She kept saying, “I can’t believe you traveled by yourself’. She told me the story of the Christmas picture that I put up at her house last year. I had heard from several people who offered to take it down, even the furnace repairman, that mom told them, “My daughter put that up before she went to Italy and when she comes home she will take it down”. It sounded like her way of making a memorial to me in case I didn’t make it back. She was worried that I wouldn’t. Now that I think about it – maybe she thought I might meet someone and stay there – no, I’m sure she worried about my safety. I took it down in August.
Traveling back and forth from GR to look at potential homes in this area, I made it a point to stop in and check on mom. She was doing ok until she wasn’t. She had fallen at home and was in pain again. I came down to take her to see her doctor. She had broken her hip and needed surgery. It was a bad break. They had to put in 2 pins. Because of covid, only one person could visit her in the hospital. Barb stayed. I decided to stay down here to be close by. I stayed at Kele’s while they were in North Carolina for a month, while Chris was working on site.
Mom had to go right from the hospital to rehab for 2 weeks, which turned out to be 3. We could only visit her through the window. Being hard of hearing she wasn’t able to know what we were saying. Mar got her a flip phone, really Mar? she never did figure out how to use it. Then we got walkie talkies. That helped. She was so sad and cried when we were there. We brought flowers and bird feeders to put outside her window. Mothers day was hard. She had to quarantined for 2 wks. to make sure she did not have covid. Then she was able to come to the lobby and see us through the glass. That helped both of us. 2 more weeks of PT and she was ready to come home. We all had a meeting to figure out what to do for mom. Her bones were so brittle, she could easily break another one. She couldn’t stay alone. Everybody but Glor and I wanted her to go to a nursing home. No one wanted to take care of her but me. After all, my dad asked me to shortly after he died. I said, “I promised her that I would never put her in a home. She could come and live with me” Sharon said, “well, I didn’t”. They all wanted her to go right from the rehab center to the home in Blissfield. I couldn’t believe how cold they all were!
After trying to schedule each of them to spent a week with her in the spring, no one wanted to do that again. It was up to me alone, I felt, to make sure mom didn’t have to go to the home. I couldn’t bear the thought of mom being in a new place without all her “things”at 94. I gave up my apartment in GR and moved in to her house. Imagining that I could help her decide what to take with her when SHE decided IF she wanted to go. That was the beginning of a big split with us kids.
Story 2 My time with mom.
