My parents met at Crestwood Lake, a very popular summer spot not only for Allendale residents but for families from all over northern New Jersey and New York City and State. The swimming lake, surrounded with sandy beaches, had two large water slides, 16 rafts, a 30-foot diving tower with a platform as well as other, various height diving boards. Features there included Sunday diving exhibitions, a 40-foot water spray, picnic areas in the apple orchard, a couple of playground areas, basketball courts, and two dance floors with jukeboxes. Crestwood had its own Water Polo Team (1933-34 State Champions) drawing big crowds for the evening water polo matches. On Saturdays and Sundays during the war years of the 1940’s when gasoline was strictly rationed, the Erie Railroad assigned special trains that ran to and from Jersey City to Allendale to pick up hundreds of passengers along the way from cities like Paterson destined for a day at Crestwood Lake. On the summer weekends, you could always tell when the trains stopped in Allendale as the crowds would make the short walk from the train station to Crestwood. In addition, there would also be carloads of people arriving from different directions creating lines of traffic throughout Allendale. The Allendale Police would be directing and moving traffic along as residents maneuvered their way around town and to church.
Luzzie Cappell was the head lifeguard at Crestwood for years, and more than once he told me that he introduced my parents. He said, “Your father would do handstands and flips off the high dive boards aiming to get your mother’s attention.” I guess he did get her attention; and after a while they weren’t just seen swimming together but would spend time together at one of the most popular spots at Crestwood, the dance pavilion. The young people would keep that jukebox playing all day long as they danced to the music. As a young girl, I remember sitting there on the rocks near the dance floor watching folks dance and dreaming about when I would be old enough to join in the dancing.
There is no doubt in my mind that dancing probably sealed the deal for my parents as they both loved to dance, and they were excellent dancers. One of my fondest memories is my parents dancing in our kitchen some Sunday mornings after church, and I know one of their favorite pastimes was going out to dinner and dance clubs with family and friends to dance the night away, which was very popular back then. Those Sunday mornings in our kitchen is where I learned to dance. When I was older, I enjoyed attending some of the UAW dinners with my father as his dance partner when my mother couldn’t attend because of her nursing schedule.
While in the Navy, my father was stationed in San Francisco, while my mother was stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. After months of letter writing, my mother resigned from her post in the Navy. Their plan was for my mom; her mother, Maude Connelly (Nana); and my father’s mother, Mary Delaney Coates (Grandma) to travel by train to California for the wedding. They were married at Mission San Francisco De Asis, or “Mission Dolores,” its more popular name, (founded 1776) on January 13, 1945, as my father was stationed nearby at the Naval Base.
My mother returned to Allendale to give birth to their first child. My father was discharged from the Navy on February 7, 1946, at which time he returned to the east coast to join Bea and their three-month old son, Jimmy. Their first and only house was bought in Allendale, and it literally looked like a red barn at that time. Eventually, my parents added on a large living and dining room area with a full finished basement below it. Through the years, many of our relatives (grandmothers, aunt, various cousins) lived with us at 133 West Crescent Avenue. It was not an extremely large house, and we only had one bathroom that was shared by all seven, eight, eleven, or however many family members were living there at the time. The kids’ bedrooms were frequently shuffled around to accommodate and adapt to our additional family members. It was much later (probably after Jimmy left for college) that I had my own room, so to speak. When I think back, I realize that my mother basically ran an extended-stay hotel with meals, and it is hard to remember a period of time that someone wasn’t living with us. In addition to our extended-stay guests, we would have cousins coming to visit for a week at a time during the summer, and as we got older, there were various friends who resided in our basement for periods of time.
I would say my father’s parenting style was strict but warm with high expectations of his children’s behavior, manners, language, and personal appearance. He was loving and encouraging, and maybe a little shy about giving praise to his kids. My mother was firm but more lenient. My mother was also loving and supportive but more reserved. Both had a good sense of humor and a strong sense of fairness. My father was more the extrovert, and my mother, more the introvert. Both believed in natural beauty (“Use very little makeup.”) and modest dress. Neat, clean, tasteful, as well as flattering, clothing was emphasized. In other words, taking pride in oneself. My father’s belief was you should dress not to take the attention away from your natural looks and personality, and you leave something to a guy’s imagination. This was preached often, especially during the preteen and teen years, and it certainly made an impression on me as I preached the same and tried to instill this attitude in my kids.
Bea “runs a tight ship” as Fr. Tom would say when he visited and was our houseguest. Fr. Tom was a distant relative from Ireland. He was a priest stationed in England as well as other European locations through his ministry, but he spent a great deal of his missionary years in Japan. He would come to visit every so many years, and when he was in town, there were always family gatherings and picnics, in addition to the adults taking him out on the town. Fr. Tom was a good sport, and my father and uncles would have a lot of fun at his expense whenever they were together. My mother taught Fr. Tom how to dance which I believe also became one of his favorite pastimes, especially when he was visiting. Dancing was a form of entertainment that was enjoyed by most of my family. I also remember my mother giving dance lessons to my cousin Mike and our neighbor Tom Fallon.
My mother didn’t raise her voice often, but she had certain expectations of her kids; we either met them or she followed up with us. One summer day, I hopped on my bike heading to Brookside Park (one of the local swimming places) to spend the day with my friends. Unfortunately, I forgot (whether on purpose or not, I can’t quite remember) to do all of my chores. My mother drove over to Brookside to get me, as this was way before cell phones. She walked out to the beach, pulled me aside, and said I needed to head back home as I did not do all of my chores. I am sure I fussed and promised her that I would do them when I got home, but that wasn’t acceptable. So I had to hop on my bike and head back home. I am sure I did this with an “attitude” and felt a sense of unfairness about what was happening.
Both of my parents were compassionate and shared many of the same values, especially their Catholic faith, as well as a strong sense of family responsibility. I have no memory of hearing my mother complain about the many guests that lived with us, although their care became mostly her responsibility. Each of my parents loved and had a high regard for their mother-in-law, being very kind and caring, and sharing a strong bond with them. I remember my parents being there for each other when they lost their mothers. It was a very sad time for each of them. Their mothers, in particular, but also their siblings and extended families, played a very important part of their lives. Looking back now, I realize how fortunate I was to have grown up in the midst of a very strong family unit. Not that there weren’t disagreements, arguments, and family struggles, but there was also an atmosphere of love and support for each other.
A world of wishes at your command,
God and his angels close at hand,
Friends and family, their love impart,
And Irish blessings in your heart.
