I think one of the most puzzling things, to me, about my personality is my obsession to being an actress. Where did that come from? Was it part of a past life? a childhood influence? a parent’s repressed dream?
I do know from one of mother’s keepsakes that she was in an Oklahoma College for Women (OCW) play–no evidence of anything in high school. I do know she spoke with great feeling about Ta-Ata, Chickasha story-teller and actress who was associated with OCW. I do have a picture of me as a 3 year-old, dressed in mother’s hat and shoes and standing on a platform as if I’m in a make-believe world.
There is a picture of me with 3 other divas at a 5 year-old birthday party in Lawton partaking of an imaginary tea-time which my mother had prepared.
And then there is Apache, Oklahoma. I attended first and second grade there. As part of an all school play, I was cast as a–what was it??–a war orphan who is finding a new family? I don’t remember but I do remember as the maroon velvet stage curtain opened, I was sitting on a park bench. For whatever reason, I sat there for quite a while (In my childhood memory) and nothing was happening. Later when I told mother that I felt very strange sitting there, swinging my legs, and nothing was happening, she said that was fine as I looked the part of an abandoned child. LOL
It was also in Apache that I had a Flash Gordon themed birthday party. Mother made a variety of crepe-paper hats for each of the invitees (how many and who were they? I don’t remember). I remember the excitement as she created hats for each of us to wear and mine was Flash Gordon.
Had I seen him at the movies? I think so because one of my memories from Apache is a half-moon shaped cut from a broken piece of Coke bottle on the inside arch of my right foot–a scar that I had for years and years. I think I was walking barefoot (who wore shoes in summer??) to the movie theatre with Darryl and maybe Kaye when that happened.
I just know I went regularly to the movies–particularly on a Saturday afternoon–from a very early age. That must have been so mother could iron THAT white shirt which daddy required on Sunday and to type the church bulletin.
I just remember watching movies–mostly westerns on Saturday but there was always a Flash Gordon serial. Each week we had to go back to see what was going to happen next.
Since the church and the parsonage were separated by a narrow driveway, access to the sanctuary was easy and that sanctuary became one of my first dramatic stages. Often during the week, I would stand on a chair, that I placed at the pulpit, and I would preach! Yes, preach! I can’t remember my text but I remember preaching to the empty balcony and lower floor with great verve. In fact, I was preaching away to an imaginary congregation standing in the pulpit of the Apache church when I looked out of the open window next to me and noticed my precious cat lying dead in the backyard. (Oh my, that’s another story)
In Cheyenne, Oklahoma, we watched Gene Autry and Roy Rogers. It was the influence of these westerns that motivated Darryl and me to hang Kaye one Sunday afternoon. (Don’t think for a minute that the media doesn’t influence young minds!). I wish I could remember which movie it was because I can’t believe that either of these cowboy heroes would have had a hanging scene. How did we know, however, the process of a western hanging? I don’t remember. 🙁
My 4th and 5th grade years were spent in Mt. View, Oklahoma. I have many memories of living there–so much to tell. As to drama, well, there are several experiences which continue my evolution to drama queen.
I joined 4-H. This was a club that all 4th grader joined, I presume. As a member, I was required to make an apron and learn a timely topic or ?? (What were the dual speeches called? Ummm). Anyway, I was given a timely topic to learn. It had to do with sewing–these were typed speeches that were handed to us.The one and only phrase that I remember from that speech was “dress maker pins.” I can still see myself standing in front of mother as I practiced that speech. Believe it or not, I can still remember the ride on that old school bus to Hobart, Oklahoma for the Kiowa County 4-H contest. I’m standing in front of a panel–three, as I remember–as I say ‘dress-maker pins.” :-). Lo, and behold! I win the purple grand champion champion ribbon for Timely Topic. I don’t remember being particularly proud, just that it was over–I didn’t have to remember that speech any more.
The second thing that I remember is a friend (I’ve got to find her name) whose father owned the hamburger joint.
I was so envious that she could walk in and order a hamburger and not have to pay and that as a 4th grader she had a full page in the school annual in her miniature drum major suit.
But here’s the real deal! She let me take a movie magazine home–I think it was “Photoplay”. I read it from cover to cover. I had my own bedroom, although there were four kids. With that magazine, I carefully cut out the pictures of the stars and made a pin-up board in my bedroom. How I worked on that board.–it was a collage of pictures which I had cut so carefully around the head of each actress/actor now held by straight pins on some kind of board. From time to time, I would carefully remove the pins and rearrange the pictures. Oh, how I loved that pin-up board.
And then there’s this memory. I won some kind of classroom contest in Mt. View. –can’t remember–but the prize was movie tickets. There were two movie theatres in town. At the time there was a comedy playing at one and a melodrama at the other starring Bing Crosby. As the teacher handed me the tickets, I distinctly remember her saying that if it were she, she would go to the “melodrama “. Which I did! (Oh, how teachers can influence.). 1953–Bing Crosby in Little Boy Lost a very heavy drama which I barely understood if at all.
From Mt. View, we moved to Buffalo, OK. Yes, the Saturday afternoon movies continued. BUT with a twist. I fell in love with my idol–James Dean!!
In that big old two-story house, I still had my own attic room, as small as it was, with a single bed. Above that bed, pinned to the ceiling, was a poster of James Dean. Every night, I went to bed as I looked as his gorgeous face, and surly pose. He had already died tragically when I saw him in Rebel without a Cause. Didn’t make a difference to me–it probably increased his mystic.
In that same time period on an overnight camp at Boiling Springs Park (I can’t remember what the camp was but I don’t think it was church related), I remember being in the great room with the adults and hearing one of them say that someone who was suppose to give an inspirational speech was not attending. Can you believe–of course you can–I popped in and said that I could give the speech? One of them said, it’s too much to memorize. “Oh, no,” I said. “I can do it.” I think they gave it to me with a bemused look on their faces, I took the speech back to my cabin. I climbed into the top bunk that I had been assigned and spent the rest of the afternoon memorizing that speech. That evening, I presented it, flawlessly. How? Why? I don’t know, I just wanted to be in front of an audience, I guess.
As I entered high school in Wakita, OK, the “drama lessons” continued. We didn’t have a TV but the divorced woman who lived in a small trailer in the alley behind is did. (The story of my relationship with her is another story to tell.) After school, I would go visit her and watch Mickey Mouse Club. I don’t think I missed many episodes–since it was only 30 minutes long,I could disappear for that length of time before I had ‘stuff’ to do.
My new love was Spin, aka Tim Considine, and my screen idol was Annette. Oh, how I wanted to be Annette–so beautiful, so talented and performing on TV. If my Wakita classmates had known of my drama dreams, I would have been the laughing stock. I can still sing all of the Mouseketeer songs and shout out the introductions of each Mouseketeer. Ask me to sing the closing song–still can do. 🙂
Annette was still my secret idol, along with ….., well into my old age. I still wanted to be Annette, the star.
AND then in August of 1957 (I looked that one up.), Dick Clark premiered on American Bandstand every afternoon.
Ohmigosh. From Mickey Mouse to American Bandstand. I knew the names of those Philadelphia teens but, more importantly, I learned to dance. Oh, I had occasion to learn to dance before (Buffalo teentown –another story). Now, I lived in a town that loved to dance–adults, teens and children. Oops, I’m getting sidetracked–but only to say–now I took center stage because I could dance as well or better than others, I think because I watched bandstand and could imitate. I still have classmates who remember that I was the best dancer.
I could ramble on–showing the evolution of my dramatic side–but now it’s too much redundancy.
Yes, I was in class sketches–some of which I’m not too proud. I was in the junior play. In college, I took a drama class or two–at one point as a student at NWOSU, I was asked–out of the blue–to audition for Hedda Gabbler. (Wasn’t called back–LOL)
Would it surprise you to know, that even today, the first news I check in the morning is the entertainment section. I still love to read about the stars–now movie and television. I still have this urge to be on the stage–to perform. I’m always thrilled by a good performance–who am I kidding. I am amazed by them even when they’re lackluster.
In my professional career, I’ve had opportunities to speak to thousands, be on television, be interviewed at the National Press Club to enter a classroom everyday “to perform,” et al.
What’s the point? I don’t know. I just know that I’ve always enjoyed being “in front of an audience”–from a very early age. How does that happen? What event was so pleasurable that I wanted to repeat it? Was it selfishness? Was it insecurity?
I don’t know. I just know it’s me!!
