A Father’s Love
A few months before her and Jake’s wedding in 2005, Tori asked me to write a song for the first dance at their reception. I told her that it’s not quite that easy, and that Butterfly Kisses, a terrific song from a father to a daughter, had already been written, but that I would take a shot.
I kicked it around for weeks – not wanting to put too much pressure on myself, but trying to keep it top of mind in case an idea came up. And I prayed about it quite a bit. The melody for the chorus hit my one day in a shoe store, and I think by the time we checked out, I had sketched together “Heaven’s just another day for those of us who pray.”
I went home and found the chords on the guitar. Not surprisingly, the chords for the chorus are used in about 70% of the catchiest songs ever written, but for some reason, with different words, phrasing and melodies, they continually sound fresh and different. I wrote the words and chords down so I wouldn’t forget them. I had nothing for the verses, so I let it sit, and walked away from it. I was afraid that if I forced myself to write it, I would write something bad. So I put it on the back burner for a few more weeks, not trying to rush it.
Then one day I was at home and the melody for the verses hit me. I really liked it, but I was concerned that it wouldn’t mesh with the chorus. Rather than getting that technical, I hummed the tune in my head a couple of times and thought about Tori. Before long, “You looked up at me smiling, as I tucked you in at night” came to mind. I loved it. “I put my arms around you, and I held on to you tight” came shortly after, and seemed to capture the emotion of that time in our lives. I then pulled out the guitar, and figured out that the melody of the verses meshed with the melody of the chorus pretty well.
I decided it was now or never. I needed a way to isolate myself from distractions so I could try to finish it. I thought about driving around in the country the way I did when I was trying to decide whether to take a job that would move us to Pennsylvania. I ruled that out – too hard to concentrate on the road and write a song at the same time. I thought about going down to the basement – not isolated enough. I couldn’t take the chance of getting interrupted by a phone call or call to dinner. If I got on a roll, I had to see it through.
I settled on jogging. Not out in the country where I would have to pay attention to where I was, but around Winding Pine, our one mile circle road, where I couldn’t get lost. I put several note cards and a pencil in my shorts and headed out. I jogged as long as I could, probably about an hour. I don’t know how many times I went around Winding Pine. I know I was around Jim and Maggie James’ house when I thought about Sean Murphy and the “Isaac Newton, Galileo, Einstein, they’re pretty smart” line hit me. I’m sure I looked pretty weird jogging along, stopping to pull note cards and a pencil out of my shorts, writing something down, and jogging off again. By the time I was through, I was exhausted and had pretty much written the song the way it is today.
The song was a hit at the wedding. As I was greeting people coming into the church, Jeff Toews, Travis Mann and Bret Mosiman mentioned that they brought their guitars. They knew that our friend Pat Adams was scheduled to sing, but passed away tragically just a couple of weeks before, so they were prepared to help out if needed. I asked them to join me in a back room prior to the start of the reception at the hotel. In about 10 minutes, they had learned the chords and put together four part harmony on the chorus. Alex joined me on the bass. Tori wasn’t expecting backup singers, so that was terrific. But she did come prepared with some Kleenex as her and Jake did their first dance.
It went great. Alex was on the bass, some of my best friends were backing me up, and I didn’t forget any of the words. Tori and Jake really enjoyed it, but not as much as my brother Bob. After the song was over, Tori and Jake were headed over to give me a hug, but were beat by Uncle Bob, who practically ran over to give me. He gave me a big hug with tears in his eyes. It was a special moment of a special day and a special evening.
The words are below. I’m a big fan of learning what song writers were thinking as they wrote songs, so there are some explanations following the lyrics. There are several lines of the song that refer to people or events, I explain those after the lyrics.
A Father’s Love
You looked up at me, smiling
As I tucked you in at night.
I put my arms around you
And I held on to you tight.
I prayed that God would lead you
And keep you in His grace
Till my arms no longer reached you
And another took my place.
It’s my job to protect you
Still I tried to understand
That someday you would be driving off
With another, younger man.
Though I couldn’t pick him for you,
I hope that you could see
Of all the guys you could have chosen
This one’s all right by me.
Heaven’s just another day for those of us who pray.
Each day we get our blessings from above.
God and I will be with you, every minute, every day.
Cause you can’t escape the arms of a Father’s Love.
Isaac Newton, Galileo, Einstein
They’re pretty smart.
Still you’ve got to have a daughter
To know what’s in a father’s heart.
There will be no calculation
That will help a man to know
The joy he will be feeling
As he’ll watch his daughter grow.
Though the miles may separate us,
Deep inside I think you see
That I’m always part of you,
And you’re always part of me.
Cause the love that I had for you,
As I knelt beside your bed
Will be beside you always,
No matter where you lay your head.
Heaven’s just another day for those of us who pray.
Each day we get our blessings from above.
God and I will be with you every minute, every day.
Cause you can’t escape the arms of a Father’s love.
Mom and I always worried, were we too gentle or too rough?
Times like this we’re looking at you, thinking we were close enough.
And when our game is over, and it’s left for you to play
You know that we’ll be with you, every minute, every day.
Heaven’s just another day for those of us who pray.
Each day we get our blessings from above.
God and I will be with you, every minute, every day.
Cause you can’t escape the arms of a Father’s love.
A bit of the back stories to the lyrics:
“You looked up at me smiling, as I tucked you in at night” – Mom and I loved tucking you in and praying each night – your big blue eyes looking over that little blue elephant…
“I put my arms around you, and I held on to you tight” – I had all the normal fears of a young father – was I up to the task? Can I take care of you and keep you safe? When I hugged you and you were getting strength from me, I was getting strength from you.
“I prayed that God would lead you, and keep you in His grace, till my arms no longer reached you and another took my place.” – There was no way I could know if I could always be with you. So I was always talking to God making sure that He would take care of your wonderful little spirit in the event I could not. I was pretty sure He was okay with that.
“It’s my job to protect you, still I tried to understand, that someday you would be driving off with another, younger man.” – This is a reference to a terrific dad song from that time period called That’s My Job. I knew that when the time would come, you would find a wonderful man. And I was hoping, but pretty sure, you’d leave a space in your heart for me.
“Though I couldn’t pick him for you, I hope that you can see, of all the guys you could’ve chosen, this one’s all right by me.” – Two meanings: first, I really like Jake. Good pick. As Mom and I have said many times, if you make the spouse decision right, all the other decisions get easier. The second is a nod toward my dad. Dad didn’t mind telling me he was proud of me. I think my favorite was one time he didn’t know I was listening. I was taking a nap on the living room floor of the smaller house in Potwin, and Mom and Dad were in the kitchen. I heard Dad look at me and say, “There may be better boys out there, but this one’s okay with me.” This may be my favorite compliment of all time.
“Heaven’s just another day, for those of us who pray” – I feel strongly that God’s message to us isn’t to try to be good so you make it to heaven. I think it’s stay close to God and let’s make heaven here.
“Each day we get our blessings from above” – This also means God wants us to have fun while doing it. I don’t think He takes any joy in us making ourselves miserable for religion’s sake. I think the idea is more, love God with all your heart, love your neighbor as yourself, and have fun doing it because that makes more people want to do it.
God and I will be with you every minute, every day cause you can’t escape the arms of a Father’s love. I want you to go through life knowing that you are loved. No matter where you are or what is going on in your life. It’s a strong force that then enables you to share love with others. And you do a great job of that.
Isaac Newton, Galileo, Einstein they’re pretty smart. Still you’ve got to have a daughter to know what’s in a father’s heart. I was thinking of Sean Murphy, one of the smartest, most intellectual, deepest thinking people I know. And I thought about the great thinkers of history. And the march of technology. And the fact that no matter how smart you are, or how fast your computer can run, you can’t express love in an equation. So even with these gifts, we all need to take the time to develop the love in our lives. (And Sean does a great job of that, by the way.)
Though the miles may separate us, deep inside I think you see, that I’m always part of you, and you’re always part of me. Being in Michigan with you in Kansas was tough on all of us. But it make me think of a terrific Glenn Frey song that was one of Dad’s Greatest Hits. You’re a part of me, I’m a part of you…
Cause the love that I had for you, as I knelt beside your bed, will be upon you always no matter where you lay your head. – This is my favorite line in the song. Song writing is hard, for one because you end up with “throw away words” that finish a phrase, or complete a rhyme, but wouldn’t be included otherwise. (This song has a few of those, but not too many.) But I could write this line 1000 times and not do it any better. It says exactly what I want to say. And I hope it gives you comfort.
Mom and I always worried, were we too gentle or to rough? – Half the time you’re raising kids you’re afraid you’re spoiling them. The other half, you wonder if you are killing their spirit. If you’re concerned about both, you’re probably pretty close to doing it right.
Times like this we’re looking at you, thinking we were close enough. A nod to my friend JerryAnne Hadley, a wonderful woman who worked with me at DeVore Enterprises in Wichita. JerryAnne had been the marketing director at Channel 3, but wanted to work for an entrepreneur, so she and I got to spend 5-6 years working together. She mentioned to me one Monday morning that her adult daughter had come home for the weekend. She told me “I was just sitting there looking at this wonderful thing I had created.” I love that. And it’s exactly the way Mom and I feel when we spend time with Tori and Alex.
And when our game is over, and it’s left for you to play, you know that we’ll be with you every minute every day. – This one is in memory of my God father, Tom Thorpe. Tom and Marye were close friends of my Mom and Dad. Jayme and I were able to attend Tom’s funeral, and his favorite prayer, “The Game Guy’s Prayer” was on the inside of the program. I loved it and kept it. The prayer asks for strength when the bounces don’t come your way, courage to give it all you have all the time, compassion to help teammates who are struggling…
This song has continued to play a part in our lives. It’s frequently requested when the family is together. One of my favorite times is when Thalia asks James to dance with her while I’m playing it, and James will lift her up and Thalia closes her eyes and you can tell she pictures herself as a professional dancer. Jee Hoon has really taken to the song, and has shared a video of me singing it with several of his friends. He says his Mom, a terrific Christian, especially enjoys the first line of the chorus, Heaven’s just another day for those of us who pray.
And at the end of the day, I’m glad Tori asked. She has always had the confidence to ask people to do things they wouldn’t have otherwise (Scott, tell Coach Snyder that Randi and I want to be managers). And because she did, I’ve been able to tell her exactly how I feel about her and we’ve been able to enjoy this song for years.
